Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I used to be an Athlete.

This is going to be short and sweet because I have NOT STOPPED SINCE 7AM.

I used to be and athlete. So strong....with lots of muscle. I loved my muscles. Especially my calves. I ran in the mountains, climbed rock faces, biked logging roads through the ponderosa pines. Completed two marathons in Alaska. I had endurance.
I felt so good. I even liked my body...

Now. Now....holy shit. I am overweight. Like 60 lbs overweight and it's not all from the baby. Only about 10-15 lbs is left over from that.
I feel weak. Slow. Sluggish. Gross. FAT FAT FAT.
I can't do shit.

Today this former marathon runner started the Couch to 5K running program. In the dark. Because I'm to embarrassed by my body. Don't want people to see me lumbering through the streets. My knees hurt, my calves burned. I felt like I was carrying a 7 year old on my back. My fat exterior floated up and down around my weakened muscles. Like sausage casing.

After the first minute of running I almost started to cry. I almost turned back.

But I didn't. I kept going. I pounded the pavement in the dark. A shadow under the street lamps of my little town. Wearing my industrial strength sports bra made in Germany. I finished.

Workout 1 complete. Two more months left and 23 workouts left until my 5K. The Lincolnwood Turkey Trot.

After my run tonight....I gave up my last caramel filled, espresso cream cheese topped, dulce de leche birthday cupcake to my husband.

It's the end of an era....I hope.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Ummmm. Hiya. I am updating from my iTouch while breast feeding in my very dark bedroom which is completely disheveled....much like my life is. Did you know that while babies are adorable and breathtaking and lifechanging and totally the best thing ever..... They are also really hard and also flabbergasting?

I am tired. And I start work Monday. And that kills me. Not the tired part (although I am sure that IS killing me softly) but the work part. I will miss the shit out of my baby girl. My heart is breaking.

That is all for now.