Delicious nutty chocolate spread from heaven....

Today.....I cut a ice cream sandwich in half and then spread nutella and peanut butter on the open faces of vanilla. It was better than the best. It was unreal.

Also...my blood pressure is elevated. So I'll be spending the rest of the pregnancy relaxing at home. No more hospital, which actually makes me sad :-(
But I've gotta get this baby to 37 weeks....I'll be 36 this coming Thursday....so like a week and half of extra super caution. Luckily everything is just about ready around here. Maybe I'll bust out some nursery pics for you to pass the time away.

Inappropriate? I think NOT.

So...I have this issue. When I wear dresses, which I am doing A LOT these days because they are so comfy and forgiving, my underpants ROLL down into a bunch right off my hips and into the dangerous limbo land of....will they fall off or will they not.

Last week I had finally had enough of yanking at my bunched up bottoms like a 4 year old so I went to Gap Body looking for a solution. I weaved in and out of the racks and shelves not really finding "THE ONES". However, I did see a fellow preggo. She was WAY bigger than I, probably carrying twins, and holding a few pairs of underpants in her hand. So, I decided to ask her about her underpants situation...she was pregnant...had reached critical mass like I have...and is probably experiencing the same clothing issues as I. I walked up while touching my belly to show her that I am a fellow preggo and to not be alarmed by my intrusion, and said, "I know this is sort of a personal question, but what kind of underpants work for you? Mine are always rolling off my hips and belly into a bunch and I can't seem to find a pair that works".

She looked at me with HORROR. HORROR!!!! Can you believe that?!! It's not like I asked her this question in line at Starbucks or interrupted lunch with her boss at Panera. WE WERE IN GAP BODY and she was HOLDING UNDERPANTS IN HER HAND.

She mumbled something about a maternity store and scampered off. Seriously? This conversation with a fellow pregnant woman about appropriate under garments has flustered you THIS much?

Good luck with parenthood, uptight-crazy lady. GOOD LUCK.

I'm Lazy Today.

Trevor just left for 6 days at The Ranch.
I am lazing about the house drinking lemonade and sparkling water with a red bendy straw...also I may or may not have had a Whoopie Pie from Trader Joes.
I will have a homemade fresh pesto pizza for dinner....watch Rachel Getting Married on "ON DEMAND"....and have a Root Beer Float.
Then I will sleep without Trevor hitting me all night telling me to stop snoring.

To make this post less boring...please visit my recently uploaded pictures from our Sanibel Island trip in March. I know I'm late. Stop your crying.

Organic Crib Mattress Giveaway

Check out this organic crib mattress giveway from Natural Mommie! We were planning on buying an organic mattress anyhow, so why not try to WIN ONE!

http://www.naturalmommie.com/2009/05/naturepedic.html

Breathe..........

I went to yoga today...slow flow yoga...it was wonderful and rejuvenating and healing and empowering. It was a special class, reminding me that yoga can heal the body and that with good intention and meditation you can change your life. So everyday I will use my body's strength and deep intention of the mind to try and heal myself....to try and fend off preeclampsia and the other complications that could arise as a result of preecplampsia.

And...I'm going to stop googling and reading about it. It's just feeding the monster. I read blog entries and NYTimes articles...I've found a ton of inaccurate information.

I am just going to focus on good health for me and my growing baby and keep positive. Even if things don't turn out the way I hope and pray for at least I'll have cradled myself in positivity and strength instead of anxiety and fear.

Quick update

My liver enzymes have come down from the 70's and are now in the 50's. The perinatologist said that he doesn't start to get worried until they are in the low 100's. My blood pressure is great and I have no swelling. And only 15lbs gained so far. The doc took a nice long look at the baby...they measured a million different things....the baby weighs 3lbs and is about a week ahead in growth (actual weeks: 28 and 4 days, measured at 29 and 4 days). Baby looks great, no issues to speak of!
Trevor is convinced he saw a little penis in the very beginning, so we'll see.

I'll stil be on light duty at work, but can continue with my 30 minute walks, yoga, and prenatal massage.

Thanks for the mojo!

Things that are happening around here...

1) I am wearing skirts and shorts...because it's warm. Thank you GOD.
2) Learning to accept stretch marks on my belly. They just SHOWED up two weeks ago. WHORES.
3) Rubbing my belly feverishly with oils and creams.
4) Reorganizing, rearranging, reinventing spaces in our little home.
5) Finding comfort in Apartment Therapy's small spaces features
6) Anxiously awaiting my new washer and dryer...I've never been so excited to do laundry.
7) Starting on "light duty" (no patient care) at work next week because my liver enzymes are slightly elevated...my OBGYN is watching me for preeclampsia and complications related to.
8) Seeing a perinatologist at a larger hospital on Monday. Scarey.
9) Trying to be chill.
10) Yoga
11) Monthly prenatal massage. Holy Heaven on Earth.
12) Picking colors for babys room.
13) Shouting commands at my Mom, Jenn, and Husband as I am no longer allowed to lift heavy objects and run up and down flights of stairs.
14) Stalking Ohdeedoh's nursery tours for ideas and inspiration.
15) Pregnancy has me on high alert, emotionally. Very difficult for those around me. One minute I love you, the next minute I am throwing the directions to put our new cabinet together at my Mom and trying not to use physical violence.

Ahhhhh......12 more weeks of pregnanct. I can't believe how it's flown by. I am praying for each of these next weeks to come an go without event. Let's keep this baby cooking per the manufacturers directions....40 weeks. Send the internet Mojo.

My 100th Post

And a lame 100th post at that:
to tide you over...a couple of pictures from our trip to Sanibel. More to come!

At Our Special Beach between Sanibel and Captiva Island, aka "Santiva"


A shot of the belly...23 weeks I think...

Gahh.

I keep wanting to write a new post...but all I have on my mind is babybabybabybabybabyyyyyyyyyyyy. I don't want to BORE the crap out the few folks who read this blog that aren't a parent or expecting. But I'm telling you...that is HARD. I just can't think of much else!

I can't stop thinking about the fact that I am pregnant and that there is a baby in my belly ready to come live with us in less that 6 months. What is with THAT?!?!?! I need at LEAST another 9 months before I am going to feel prepared. Can you tell I'm a procrastinator?

The GOOD thing is that in the last 2 weeks I have become more excited about being pregnant and becoming a mama and less terrified by the whole idea. Also, I don't feel completely exhausted all the time and I'm able to do more than eat, sleep, and go to work.

So...sorry if I have put you to sleep with my brief blurb on whats up over here at OTOP....as soon as I have something NON-BABY to say I'll post it!

VS.

Sooooo...we ALL know I was trying to lose weight BEFORE I got pregnant. I had just jumped back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon right around the time we (unknowingly) conceived. I was seeing success and feeling great and then I found out I was pregnant. Since then I have been watching my diet but not depriving myself and keeping up with my workout schedule of 3-4 times per week. So far in the last 14 weeks of pregnancy I have gained only 2 lbs. I think this is pretty good....I don't know how I compare to others, I may be right on the mark. But I was expecting to blow up like an elephant, and on top of the weight gain I STILL fit in my regular pants! This too may be normal but I had visions of me rolling around like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

The point of this post in a non-sensical,round about way is to tell you about this issue I am having: MY scale vs the OBGYN scale. I own an OFFICIAL Weight Watchers scale...the nicest scale I have ever owned. When I weigh myself on this scale the number it produces nearly matches EXACTLY the number on the scale I was weighed on at my WW meetings. Imagine my horror when I walked into the OBGYN for the first time and it is seriously SIX pounds higher than my home scale (& the WW meeting scale!)!!!
I don't know why this bothers me SO MUCH but it kills me every time they weigh me on that devil bitch scale.

On Fear....

So....the other day a good friend of mine from nursing school just looked at me and said, "you look really scared. are you scared?".

Her words surprised me, because while I TOTALLY feel that way, I'm trying not to let people know that. I feel this expectation to be blindly ecstatic with visions of a perfect pregnancy and a perfectly healthy baby and perfect, perfect, perfection. Unfortunately, being in the field I'm in I see and hear a lot of stories and I know that bad stuff can happen...and I just feel scared that some of that stuff will happen to me and my baby.

Also...I feel scared of actually having the baby home with us after he/she is born. I am so nervous about how that will be and how will I know if they are okay and am doing the right thing. I'm scared of the exhaustion and the 24/7 need for me. I said about a month ago that I almost wish that Trevor and I didn't wait nearly 5 years to have our first child because I know how damn EASY and carefree these years have been. I do realize that I'll look back at those years and be thankful for our 1 on 1 time.

I also worry about how huge I'll get. I was already losing weight trying to get ready for a pregnancy....but then SURPRISE! It happened sooner that we thought. So now I'm all in a tizzy about how much weight I'll gain and being healthy and looking at that Shape of A Mother website and rocking myself to sleep at night.

I hope that these fears start going away. That I can start to feel more joyful and live in the moment of my first pregnancy.
Did any of you feel this way? If you did, how did you quiet your fears and just GO with it?

A little hostility.......

You know you're having ISSUES with your hormones when the dog barks at you from the sliding glass door to come in from the freezing cold and you grumble to yourself, "GOD! Why can't the damn dog just quietly ASK to come in? WHY does she INSIST on BARKING SO LOUDLY!!?? Can't she see I'm on FACEBOOK?! JEEEEEZ!"

I'm trying to maintain serenity....I really am.

and, AND...

I got to visit the baby in my belly today! I had some cramping and went into the office for a check up...everything looks fine, so no worries there. But today you could see how the amniotic sac has formed, the start of the umbilical cord, and the blood flow from me to the baby through the cord!! And, when I thought it couldn't get any better, the baby in my belly started to MOVE AROUND...and I got to see it! It was like a little seahorse wagging its tail at me!

AMAZING!

The Ultrasound Says.....

Sorry to keep you waiting!
Officially....I am 8 weeks pregnant! Yesssss! Everything looked good and I'm scheduled for my next appt in 4 weeks.
However, I DID have to go on Labetalol for my blood pressure. I have been on medication for my blood pressure for about two years (I have had issues iwth hypertension since I was 18 but I didn't need meds until two years ago) and went off of the meds per my Cardiologist as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I have been keeping close tabs on my BP everyday, taking it at home in the morning and evening and the results have been suprisingly great off my usual meds. On a few occasions my pressures went above the acceptable range after stressful days at work, etc. Thus resulting in being prescribed a new, safer BP med for pregnancy. In addition to the medication I have been continuing with yoga 3-4 x/ week, cutting back on sodium, and not drinking a single lick of caffiene. Painful but true.

Thanks for the good mojo!!!

Butterflies

I have butterflies in my stomach today....in fact they're not just in my stomach...they've traveled up into my chest and throat. They're strangling me!!

I'm so nervous because today is our first appointment with the OBGYN. I've been having nightmares every night that range from the doctor telling me I am not pregnant, that my uterus is incapable of carrying a baby to full term, to a diagnosis of ovarian cancer. It's quite ridiculous....but each time I think of walking into the office at 2:45 today I feel panic well up in my chest.

I think it's hard for me to grasp the idea that Trevor and I made a baby without even really trying. I have an irregular menstrual cycle and he has a low sperm count due to a series of radiation treatments for cancer years back. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??
I must confess that I have always thought, deep down, that we wouldn't be able to have children. I know so many people who struggle with conceiving, who've had multiple miscarriages. How could we be so lucky, so blessed?

I have always wanted children, I love children....and I've never felt the depth of this desire until I found out I was pregnant. I am so afraid that today I'm going to be told it's not true....it's just killing me.

Deep Breaths.

I have a full day ahead of me: yoga, a meeting at work, and then the appt. I'll let you know how it goes.

My Body is Playing Tricks On Me

Hello.

I am nauseous....but I still feel like eating (WTF???). So I eat.
And then....I am still nauseous.

Jeez.

I love you tiny little baby....but I feel upset right now because all I want is this hideous feeling to go away.

For you, a suprise!

About 3 weeks ago, I was admitted to the hospital for chest pain. They did lots of tests, did an ultrasound of my heart called a 2D Echocardiogram and found a crazy lump in my atrium and then did another test called a TEE (transesophageal echocardiogram) where they sort of sedate you and jam a tube down your throat, ultrasound through your esophagus to your heart (which is now a mere 2mm away or something crazy) and they found that the crazy lump on my atrial wall was nothing to be worried about, in fact it wasn't a lump at all but some fibers that are no big deal. I was released and all is well. During this time they did a pregnancy test...which I was secretly hoping would be positive...but it was negative. Oh well. We weren't really trying anyhow.

Fast forward to last Friday 11/14. Still no period. Sore breasts. Moody. PRAYING for my period so this hell could end.
The alarm goes off, it's 6am. Trevor gets in the shower...I have to pee. I can't fall back asleep. Peepeppeeeeepeeepeeeeee. Damn! I guess i have to get up. I decided to take another pregnancy test. The best time is in the morning, first pee. I have a pregnancy test, by chance. So, Trevor's in the shower I lumber into the bathroom, we exchange Good Mornings.

I pee on the stick.
I watch it progress.
Trevor showers.

It looks like this:


(not my actual test)

My hands start to shake and I fumble for the instructions, I compare. It is, in fact, positive. Holy SHIT!

I ask Trevor if he wants to see something crazy. He pauses and says, Sure?
I jam the test through the shower curtain and he is unsure of what he is looking at. I shout that it's a pregnancy test....and it's POSITIVE!! He looks at me with disbelief...we both are just standing there, water going everywhere, we are going to have a baby.

Through out the day I take another test...it's still positive. However, Trevor still is not convinced. He tells me to go the hospital (where I am an RN) early before I have to start my shift and see if any of the docs will write a script for me to have a blood test. So I do. I go to work, I find one of the docs I work with all the time, tell them the situation, they tell me I don't need the test, that the urine tests are accurate, but if my husband insists ( a great perk of my job). I go down to the outpatient lab, they draw my blood, and a few hours later I find out that my serum quantitative Hcg level is over 7,000. This freaks me out because I have no idea what that means. I look it up and learn that a non-pregnant woman's Hcg is <5. My number indicates I am somewhere between 5-6 weeks along. Which is what my OBGYN though when I called to make an appt. earlier in the the day. I call Trevor, he can belive now. When I come home from work we go out to eat. We don't say much....we stare at each other with wonder...with fear...with joy...with anticipation.

So, yeah. I'm PREGNANT.
It's still early and I am well aware of all the risks....but I had to share...and I'm so excited, and OMG!!!