For you, a suprise!

About 3 weeks ago, I was admitted to the hospital for chest pain. They did lots of tests, did an ultrasound of my heart called a 2D Echocardiogram and found a crazy lump in my atrium and then did another test called a TEE (transesophageal echocardiogram) where they sort of sedate you and jam a tube down your throat, ultrasound through your esophagus to your heart (which is now a mere 2mm away or something crazy) and they found that the crazy lump on my atrial wall was nothing to be worried about, in fact it wasn't a lump at all but some fibers that are no big deal. I was released and all is well. During this time they did a pregnancy test...which I was secretly hoping would be positive...but it was negative. Oh well. We weren't really trying anyhow.

Fast forward to last Friday 11/14. Still no period. Sore breasts. Moody. PRAYING for my period so this hell could end.
The alarm goes off, it's 6am. Trevor gets in the shower...I have to pee. I can't fall back asleep. Peepeppeeeeepeeepeeeeee. Damn! I guess i have to get up. I decided to take another pregnancy test. The best time is in the morning, first pee. I have a pregnancy test, by chance. So, Trevor's in the shower I lumber into the bathroom, we exchange Good Mornings.

I pee on the stick.
I watch it progress.
Trevor showers.

It looks like this:


(not my actual test)

My hands start to shake and I fumble for the instructions, I compare. It is, in fact, positive. Holy SHIT!

I ask Trevor if he wants to see something crazy. He pauses and says, Sure?
I jam the test through the shower curtain and he is unsure of what he is looking at. I shout that it's a pregnancy test....and it's POSITIVE!! He looks at me with disbelief...we both are just standing there, water going everywhere, we are going to have a baby.

Through out the day I take another test...it's still positive. However, Trevor still is not convinced. He tells me to go the hospital (where I am an RN) early before I have to start my shift and see if any of the docs will write a script for me to have a blood test. So I do. I go to work, I find one of the docs I work with all the time, tell them the situation, they tell me I don't need the test, that the urine tests are accurate, but if my husband insists ( a great perk of my job). I go down to the outpatient lab, they draw my blood, and a few hours later I find out that my serum quantitative Hcg level is over 7,000. This freaks me out because I have no idea what that means. I look it up and learn that a non-pregnant woman's Hcg is <5. My number indicates I am somewhere between 5-6 weeks along. Which is what my OBGYN though when I called to make an appt. earlier in the the day. I call Trevor, he can belive now. When I come home from work we go out to eat. We don't say much....we stare at each other with wonder...with fear...with joy...with anticipation.

So, yeah. I'm PREGNANT.
It's still early and I am well aware of all the risks....but I had to share...and I'm so excited, and OMG!!!

Today I feel Winter Is Here

I like the winter.

But, MAN this cold weather and these dreary skies are bumming me out.
I am really having a tough time adjusting.
So tired...so gloomy...so unmotivated.

I just want to sleep and stay wrapped up in my down comforter on my couch for the next 4 months.

I hope it snows soon...and the sun shines bright. Then I'll feel happy again in my winter wonderland. The dog and I will hike at the forest preserve and I'll feel the quiet serenity of a winter day envelope me. The sun will be glitter beneath my feet.
I'll feel better then.

Damn.

Why is it that a non-fat eggnog latte is STILL over 400 calories?
Why is it that a non-fat peppermint mocha is STILL over 300 calories?

Why?

I...the unsuspecting dieter that I am...have gone into Starbucks twice this week thinking that I'm safe ordering the non-fat milk option only to find out later in the day after looking up the nutritional info online that I have SCREWED myself and must live out the remainder of the day eating only lettuce.

Now tomorrow I must workout after my 14 hour work day of nursing. I am going to be incredibly unpleasant after completing this workout. So....anyone who is required to engage in any sort of conversation or activity with me should just avert their eyes and do something nice to appease me.

I'm just saying.

My motto for this holiday season is this:

It's A Beautiful Thing

I'll be honest, in the beginning when the two Democratic candidates were a Woman and an African American man I thought we were screwed. Not because I didn't think they were capable of doing an amazing job...but because I didn't think this country had come far enough to elect either one.

And then there was Tuesday...and I witnessed one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I had tears....and my throat hurt from the lump that was stuck there with pride and overwhelming joy for the 44th President of the USA. I am so proud of how far our country has come. I am so proud of Barack Obama.

Let Him Be Well
Let Him Be Happy
Let him Bring Peace
(a little something borrowed from my yoga instructor)

GAHHHH!

I've been without internet since we last spoke!
I didn't realize how absolutley, yet ridiculously, VITAL the internet is to my daily grind.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
My internet providor is like a small crippled monkey...and I feel very frustrated with them. At one point during our 4 conversations over the last week I spoke loudly into the phne and said, "I'm a nurse. If I f***ked up as much as you do people would be dead...THANK GOD YOU DON'T HAVE THAT TYPE OF RESPOSIBILITY ON YOUR SHOULDERS! This is your JOB and you are sooooooo bad at at it. You should be disappointed in yourselves." Now I realize this sounds a little extrreme. But I had FOUR different conversations with them, each lasting greater than 2 hours...and EVERY TIME they still had NO CLUE WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON. But now I have phone and internet again and I can feel more calm. CALM......

So now, I'm just stretching my legs and getting comfortable with the internets again...will be back to tell you the story of my hospital visit...I'm fine..don't get your panties in a bunch....also another tasty recipe...and general ramblings.