Tuesday, December 22, 2009

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory of our special pup Sativa.


This was the last picture taken of her....that night she passed away in our arms. She was 12. The love of our lives until Elkey came along. Trevor got her right after he was first diagnosed with cancer the 1st time. She was with him through chemo, radiation, moving from state to state. Meeting me. Falling in love. Buying our first home. Getting married. 5 years of marriage. Our first child.

Vacations, a million snow falls, hugs, kisses, road trips galore. She was a hunter....she was a romper.

We miss you Huskie. You gave us a reason to go play in the deepest snow on the coldest days. You warmed our hearts with your playful smiles. My heart hurts without you here. See you in Heaven my sweet girl.
Posted by Picasa

Monday, December 21, 2009


Life has really chewed my ass these last few months. Unfortunately it did not actually remove any of the fat from my ass....it just chewed me up and spit me out.

Trying to find balance and identify priorities and muster up strength. Wondering how other people do it. Wishing I could too. Wanting to be a great mama, have the endurance to make it through my day as a good nurse, and still have enough at the end to be a good wife.

I've sure had a lot of chances in this life. More than most. Hoping I have the maturity to make proper decisions and make the most of this opportunity. To learn and grow and lay down a foundation for me and my family.

I am definitely grateful for this life and for all that I DO have. It's silly and wasteful and childish to wish for more. I have all that I could ever need....my health....and love. A family.

I hope that you are able to find the true meaning of this Holiday Season...in whatever way you celebrate. I hope that you too are able to muster through the difficulties of these times and recognize all that you have.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

13 things I am doing on this day, the 13th of October

1) Trying to visualize my office / dining room area rearranged to accommodate dogs new living area, as she is getting old and having a difficult time navigating our home and its slippery hardwoods.

2) Rearranging my bedroom. Again. It's a thing I can't stop doing.

3) Fantasizing about a new 48 oz. French Press...

4) Considering beginning my Christmas List

5) Preparing for Trevor to be gone at the Ranch from Friday to Wednesday. Wondering how I will manage to drink my usual amount of Oktoberfest Beer with a 4 month old around and no sober husband within a 500 mile radius. Oh Yeah....Grama Swanie!

6) Nursing a very screwed up lower back after hurting myself at work. 5K plans on hold....no running for this chubby girl until I lose some of this weight through diet and other forms of exercise. Too hard on my joints and low back.

7) Enjoying having Elkey sleep in her room at night....and *almost* through the night at that.

8) Wanting to burn all the CRAP that is cluttering my home and start anew.

9) Wishing the Money Fairy would come for a visit and take care of my medical bills and relieve some of our stress up in here!

10) Watching DVR'd Bravo shows...Rachel Zoe, Million Dollar Listings, Flipping Out, Top Chef, Real Housewives(any season) LOVE BRAVO!

11) Obsessively watching the video monitor...trying to will the baby to nap longer...Mama needs a break.

12) Deciding what pie I will bake for Thanksgiving....I'm thinking this one

13) Enjoying the dinner my husband made me...even though my eyelids are sweating because the top of the hot sauce "became unclogged" as he was spicing the dish.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I used to be an Athlete.

This is going to be short and sweet because I have NOT STOPPED SINCE 7AM.

I used to be and athlete. So strong....with lots of muscle. I loved my muscles. Especially my calves. I ran in the mountains, climbed rock faces, biked logging roads through the ponderosa pines. Completed two marathons in Alaska. I had endurance.
I felt so good. I even liked my body...

Now. Now....holy shit. I am overweight. Like 60 lbs overweight and it's not all from the baby. Only about 10-15 lbs is left over from that.
I feel weak. Slow. Sluggish. Gross. FAT FAT FAT.
I can't do shit.

Today this former marathon runner started the Couch to 5K running program. In the dark. Because I'm to embarrassed by my body. Don't want people to see me lumbering through the streets. My knees hurt, my calves burned. I felt like I was carrying a 7 year old on my back. My fat exterior floated up and down around my weakened muscles. Like sausage casing.

After the first minute of running I almost started to cry. I almost turned back.

But I didn't. I kept going. I pounded the pavement in the dark. A shadow under the street lamps of my little town. Wearing my industrial strength sports bra made in Germany. I finished.

Workout 1 complete. Two more months left and 23 workouts left until my 5K. The Lincolnwood Turkey Trot.

After my run tonight....I gave up my last caramel filled, espresso cream cheese topped, dulce de leche birthday cupcake to my husband.

It's the end of an era....I hope.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


Ummmm. Hiya. I am updating from my iTouch while breast feeding in my very dark bedroom which is completely disheveled....much like my life is. Did you know that while babies are adorable and breathtaking and lifechanging and totally the best thing ever..... They are also really hard and also flabbergasting?

I am tired. And I start work Monday. And that kills me. Not the tired part (although I am sure that IS killing me softly) but the work part. I will miss the shit out of my baby girl. My heart is breaking.

That is all for now.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Smooshy Squooshy Fussy Mussy

We are in the midst of a "fussy stage" right now. Yowzaahs. Won't sleep in her bassinet, or her swing, or her bouncy chair. Only on her mama's chest. Oh....and on the hammock. Which was made of a pretty striped canvas-y type material purchased at IKEA last year and left outside to rot all winter....so today when I sat on it for the mafizillionth time in the last week to quiet my fussy muss, it tore....in half. My ass bone landed on a very hard root and Elkey began to scream even louder. It was great. Then I tried to go for a walk with her in the stroller to my local sandwich shop to get a delicious lunch....but the screaming did not end and I was forced to retreat back home. Hungry and wired with fussy baby frenetic energy.

Deep Breaths...........

Saturday, July 11, 2009

3 Weeks!

My girl at 3 weeks getting ready to celebrate the 40th anniversary of Woodstock

Despite my sleep deprivation, I feel awesome. My body has healed and I am not feeling any baby blues....and maybe I'm not out of the woods yet...but I've got my fingers crossed that I've escaped it. I actually feel like working out again, but am taking it slow to start with walks at the forest preserve with Trevor, Elkey, and our dog, Sativa. I think I'll bust out the yoga next week....I'm feeling very stiff now that I haven't been practicing regularly.

Friday, July 10, 2009

You know you're a sleep deprived Mama when........

You've spent half of your day, complete with a shopping trip to Baby's R Us, with your flip flops on the WRONG FEET!

Aaaaaand here she is sleeping DURING THE DAY....instead of DURING THE NIGHT when her Mama would like to be snoozing.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Elkey's Birth Story

It was always my intention to have a natural childbirth. I envisioned myself laboring at home as long as possible, using my Lamaze techniques, rolling around the house on the big bouncy birthing ball and then going to the hospital at the last possible moment to deliver without intervention. No drugs. Minimal monitoring.

Well, you can wish in one hand and shit in the other--see which one fills up first.

Around my 28th-ish week of pregnancy my blood pressure started to increase slowly and my liver enzymes started to elevate. Two signs of preeclampsia. My doctors monitored me and the baby with once a month Level II ultrasounds, lab tests, and non-stress test fetal monitoring. All looked well except for those pesky liver enzymes that just wouldn't go back to normal. So as my blood pressure increased, so did my blood pressure medication dose and things were fine. Than around the first week of June my pressures were in the 160-170/90 range. I kept having to go to the hospital for monitoring. They put me on "modified" bed rest and I monitored my blood pressure at home. Finally, on June 17th in the late evening my pressures were consistently 180's/100's. The doctor sent me to the hospital for more monitoring. We got to the room, they checked my vitals, labs, urine for protein (which had been negative the whole time, one good thing I had going for me), hooked us up for a non-stress test and we waited. The nurse came in and had a funny look on her face....I said, "Oh man, my urine came back positive for protein, didn't it."
She shook her Head "no" and asked how we would feel about having a baby today (it was super early Thursday AM), and that it was the opinion of my doctor that I should be induced because of my blood pressure.

Trevor and I were shocked. We weren't planning on a BABY yet! We needed 4 more weeks of cuddling, dinners out, and general laziness! In reality though, we knew this was best for my health and mumbled and grumbled in agreement. I was immediately started on a drip of Magnesium Sulfate to relax my smooth muscles to try and prevent seizures related to my hypertension which continued until 12 hours after Elkey's birth. It made me feel hot,gooey, and shitty. I started to cry and told Trevor that I wished he could do this for me. That all that they were planning on doing to me was totally NOT MY PLAN....and that I felt scared about labor being strapped to a bed for hours on a million different medications. It wasn't my plan....and this new agenda just felt wrong to me.

They ripened my cervix overnight with an internal application of medication and then at 7am Thursday started me on Pitocin. Holy ba-jesus. Contractions were immediate, strong, hard, intense, frequent. I could barley move in bed because of the every 15minute BP's they were taking, the fetal monitor, and the IV magnesium which made it harder to walk. I started my deep breathing exercises....I rubbed my belly rhythmically, Trevor rubbed me with the tennis balls we packed. I sat at the edge of the bed...I rocked in Trevors arms. I struggled until 11AM when I was 5cm or so dilated and then I gave in. Actually, I didn't make the call. I couldn't bring myself to do it after all the months of hopeful planning for a drug free birth. Trevor called for the epidural. Thank you, Trevor for knowing and seeing what was best in that moment.

I got the epidural through a jillion petocin contractions and then layed back in bed and chilled out. I slept through the rest of my contractions on and off. We talked, we watched Cubs vs. Sox Crosstown Classic. It was strange not feeling my legs but I was thankful for the relief and needed the rest (an observation that I'm able to make now looking back at the situation).

Finally I was 10cm dilated around 3pm. However, the baby hadn't dropped very much...she was still at -2 station. pretty high up there. It was still time to push. The MD wanted to cut my continuous epidural dose in half so that I could effectively push. They called the anesthesiologist who was in c-section so I contued with that same dose. After about 15 minutes, I noticed I could really feel things again...and soon I could feel everything. I got on my hands and knees to push in a different position and when I turned over I noticed my epidural had become disconnected. I hadn't been receiving the meds for a long while and now...there was no numbness or relief to speak of from the epidural. The MD said that she wanted to keep it that way because Elkey was so far up and she and I would need all my strength to push her out....so no more meds for me. Then. THEN. I pushed. and I pushed. and I pushed. For all but TWO contractions over the next 4 hours. I felt everything. It hurt. I was nauseated and throwing up. I wanted to cry. But I didn't. I just kept my eyes closed, focused. Pushed. Trevor was there for every single contraction with one arm hooked under my leg and another behind my head helping to fold me in half for each contraction. He counted to ten 3 times for each contraction, he spoke encouraging words. He whispered sweetly in my ear. He gave me everything I needed and more through such an intense time.
Trevor said he could see the baby's head for over an hour just slowly making its way out and finally crowning. When the head was *right* there I got a little extra through my epidural to take the edge off. I pushed with all my might, probably 4 more times...it STILL wasn't enough. they had to pull out the vacuum for a millisecond. They barley used it....but again, in my childbirth class when they talked about the vacuum and forceps I scoffed under my breath...they wouldn't be using those things on MY baby. Well they did. Also....I got an epesiotomy. Another little tid bit I didn't anticipate.

So...with a little extra suck from the vacuum, Elkey was born. Little conehead and all!

When they told us it was a girl, Trevor had to take a second look, we ALWAYS thought the baby in my belly was a boy! They set her on my chest and again, my intention was to breastfeed right away but she was "grunting" and needed a bit more attention...because of her grunting she was whisked away and sent to the NICU. She stayed there for the rest of her hospitalization...4 days. She was very sedated from the IV Magnesium I received and her appetite was poor. We went every 4 hours at the very least for her feedings.

I breastfed with a bit of formula supplementation. When I was discharged, Trevor and I drove to the hospital for her feedings. Luckily we only live 10 minutes away. On Father's Day we thought she would be able to come home, but she needed one more day because of her jaundice....so Elkey sent me out to get her daddy his first Father's Day tie in honor of the Cubs winning the Crosstown Classic on her birthday....apparently a good luck omen according to Trevor:

Finally on Monday we brought our special little girl home. What a treat....she is seriously a miracle baby. We both have always felt that we'd need help conceiving as Trevor and I both have different medical issues that could have potentially made it very hard to make a a baby. We still look at her and wonder how she is even here.

She was made just for us...for our little family.

Check It!

My best friend Sam, of the blog Back To Me, and a few of her friends have birthed a newborn baby blog: Live Well Spend Well!

It's a great blog for the times..reviews on beauty, food, fitness, and health products all under $15...except for the OCASSIONAL Slurge Worthy item under $50.
Please go check it out- they are all great writers, great women, and they deserve our support!

As the fine ladies of Live Well Spend Well say, "feeling fabulous inside and out shouldn't have to cost a fortune!"

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Late Post: Elkey @ 2 weeks

Here is my girl at 2 weeks (minus the 2 week sign...I forgot) as well as a couple of other pics for you to enjoy!

Her "calvin" face from the cartoon strip Calvin & Hobbes:


Birth story on the way soon....it's been more challenging than I thought to get all the details down without boring the hell out of you!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

My Girl

Yes! The rumor is true! Our girl has been born....

Elkey Marion
Thursday, June 18th
6lbs 19in

Here she is fresh out of the oven:

On the day she was brought home (Monday):

And today...one week into life...with her pal, the buffalo:

Of course, her Birth Story is to come. It will take me a minute to type up so I thought I'd give you this little nugget to tide you over.

Thanks for all the internet love!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Delicious nutty chocolate spread from heaven....

Today.....I cut a ice cream sandwich in half and then spread nutella and peanut butter on the open faces of vanilla. It was better than the best. It was unreal.

Also...my blood pressure is elevated. So I'll be spending the rest of the pregnancy relaxing at home. No more hospital, which actually makes me sad :-(
But I've gotta get this baby to 37 weeks....I'll be 36 this coming Thursday....so like a week and half of extra super caution. Luckily everything is just about ready around here. Maybe I'll bust out some nursery pics for you to pass the time away.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Inappropriate? I think NOT.

So...I have this issue. When I wear dresses, which I am doing A LOT these days because they are so comfy and forgiving, my underpants ROLL down into a bunch right off my hips and into the dangerous limbo land of....will they fall off or will they not.

Last week I had finally had enough of yanking at my bunched up bottoms like a 4 year old so I went to Gap Body looking for a solution. I weaved in and out of the racks and shelves not really finding "THE ONES". However, I did see a fellow preggo. She was WAY bigger than I, probably carrying twins, and holding a few pairs of underpants in her hand. So, I decided to ask her about her underpants situation...she was pregnant...had reached critical mass like I have...and is probably experiencing the same clothing issues as I. I walked up while touching my belly to show her that I am a fellow preggo and to not be alarmed by my intrusion, and said, "I know this is sort of a personal question, but what kind of underpants work for you? Mine are always rolling off my hips and belly into a bunch and I can't seem to find a pair that works".

She looked at me with HORROR. HORROR!!!! Can you believe that?!! It's not like I asked her this question in line at Starbucks or interrupted lunch with her boss at Panera. WE WERE IN GAP BODY and she was HOLDING UNDERPANTS IN HER HAND.

She mumbled something about a maternity store and scampered off. Seriously? This conversation with a fellow pregnant woman about appropriate under garments has flustered you THIS much?

Good luck with parenthood, uptight-crazy lady. GOOD LUCK.

Friday, May 22, 2009

I'm Lazy Today.

Trevor just left for 6 days at The Ranch.
I am lazing about the house drinking lemonade and sparkling water with a red bendy straw...also I may or may not have had a Whoopie Pie from Trader Joes.
I will have a homemade fresh pesto pizza for dinner....watch Rachel Getting Married on "ON DEMAND"....and have a Root Beer Float.
Then I will sleep without Trevor hitting me all night telling me to stop snoring.

To make this post less boring...please visit my recently uploaded pictures from our Sanibel Island trip in March. I know I'm late. Stop your crying.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Organic Crib Mattress Giveaway

Check out this organic crib mattress giveway from Natural Mommie! We were planning on buying an organic mattress anyhow, so why not try to WIN ONE!


Friday, May 1, 2009


I went to yoga today...slow flow yoga...it was wonderful and rejuvenating and healing and empowering. It was a special class, reminding me that yoga can heal the body and that with good intention and meditation you can change your life. So everyday I will use my body's strength and deep intention of the mind to try and heal myself....to try and fend off preeclampsia and the other complications that could arise as a result of preecplampsia.

And...I'm going to stop googling and reading about it. It's just feeding the monster. I read blog entries and NYTimes articles...I've found a ton of inaccurate information.

I am just going to focus on good health for me and my growing baby and keep positive. Even if things don't turn out the way I hope and pray for at least I'll have cradled myself in positivity and strength instead of anxiety and fear.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Quick update

My liver enzymes have come down from the 70's and are now in the 50's. The perinatologist said that he doesn't start to get worried until they are in the low 100's. My blood pressure is great and I have no swelling. And only 15lbs gained so far. The doc took a nice long look at the baby...they measured a million different things....the baby weighs 3lbs and is about a week ahead in growth (actual weeks: 28 and 4 days, measured at 29 and 4 days). Baby looks great, no issues to speak of!
Trevor is convinced he saw a little penis in the very beginning, so we'll see.

I'll stil be on light duty at work, but can continue with my 30 minute walks, yoga, and prenatal massage.

Thanks for the mojo!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Things that are happening around here...

1) I am wearing skirts and shorts...because it's warm. Thank you GOD.
2) Learning to accept stretch marks on my belly. They just SHOWED up two weeks ago. WHORES.
3) Rubbing my belly feverishly with oils and creams.
4) Reorganizing, rearranging, reinventing spaces in our little home.
5) Finding comfort in Apartment Therapy's small spaces features
6) Anxiously awaiting my new washer and dryer...I've never been so excited to do laundry.
7) Starting on "light duty" (no patient care) at work next week because my liver enzymes are slightly elevated...my OBGYN is watching me for preeclampsia and complications related to.
8) Seeing a perinatologist at a larger hospital on Monday. Scarey.
9) Trying to be chill.
10) Yoga
11) Monthly prenatal massage. Holy Heaven on Earth.
12) Picking colors for babys room.
13) Shouting commands at my Mom, Jenn, and Husband as I am no longer allowed to lift heavy objects and run up and down flights of stairs.
14) Stalking Ohdeedoh's nursery tours for ideas and inspiration.
15) Pregnancy has me on high alert, emotionally. Very difficult for those around me. One minute I love you, the next minute I am throwing the directions to put our new cabinet together at my Mom and trying not to use physical violence.

Ahhhhh......12 more weeks of pregnanct. I can't believe how it's flown by. I am praying for each of these next weeks to come an go without event. Let's keep this baby cooking per the manufacturers directions....40 weeks. Send the internet Mojo.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

My 100th Post

And a lame 100th post at that:
to tide you over...a couple of pictures from our trip to Sanibel. More to come!

At Our Special Beach between Sanibel and Captiva Island, aka "Santiva"

A shot of the belly...23 weeks I think...

Monday, March 23, 2009

Home Again


I'm back home. It's colder than Sanibel. When the windows are open I am blasted by cold damp air...not warm salty sandy caressing sunshine. Boo.
Also...my beautiful tan is fading...already. Hoo.

On the really awesome and positive side of things....after MONTHS of visits to the city for MD appts. at Rush and lots of medical bills, Trevor has had his surgery. The tumor has been removed...and in a shockingly glorious turn of events the final pathology report has come back NEGATIVE for cancer. HELL YES!!

When looking at the situation I feel bad that Trevor now has a golf ball size chunk excised from his thigh and a 6 inch incision. But the needle biopsy looked like cancer and if they had asked us to wait to watch the mass and biopsy it again in 6 months after they could get another tissue sample I would have saif F U!! and punched them in the noses. So...we had to go this route.

It's a relief that Trevor doesn't have ANOTHER form of cancer...and also that we won't need to fret and wonder if they got ALL of the tumor etc. Now it doesn't matter. It's out. It's not cancer. I can breath deeper. We can relax a bit and focus on our growing fetus and all the work ahead of us at our home to get ready for him/her.

Pictures from Sanibel to come soon. I don't have my regular computer so I need to wait til I can upload there in order to post them.

Now....to wake up husband from his nap and see if he wants to take me to a matinee and than a dinner of burgers. Mmmmm.....

Friday, March 6, 2009


I sent an email to the in-laws (parental & sibling) these are their responses:

My dear sweet Kristin,

I was going to give you a bad time about your new tattoo but after Trevor told us how stressed you had been over the revelation, I just didn't have the heart to do it. However, I am going to scold you about stressing out over telling us about the tattoo....you should know by now that we love you for what you are on the inside, not the outside...and a tattoo is not going to change that. So put your mind at ease and know we have big hugs for you when you and Trevor arrive on Saturday.

By the way, we need you to email your flight information and I also need you to email the number of my transponder so I can update my account.

Start packing those bags and we will see you on Saturday (hope you can bring the little pup tent in the garage with you)

Love ya,

You silly girl, you fret for nothing! We love you no matter what!!! Thank you for being so sensitive to our family, especially my little ones… and if Tessa asks about it, we’ll simply tell her that grown-ups choose to decorate their bodies in lots of different ways. She’s had fake tattoos before, so she’s familiar with the phrase. We’ll just go with the flow… I’m not concerned about it, and I certainly don’t want you to be either! We all need this break so desperately… let’s go and have fun and relax and be ourselves. After all, that’s one of things that I’ve always most admired about you… that you are always true to yourself no matter what. And that’s just as it should be, because you’re wonderful. Safe travels tomorrow – can’t wait to see you both next week!

Love to luv ya,

Isn't that awesome? I still feel worried for them to actually SEE it....that'll be a shocker no matter what, but at least they KNOW now. I have just finished all of my Spring Break / Summer maternity clothes shopping. I got some good buys, splurged on a few things, and feel a little better about being a preggo chubsteak. Check out my Liz Lang maternity swimsuit, only $40 bucks!

Speaking of chub...I have only gained 6 lbs so far (pat on back)!!! We had our 20 week ultrasound this week (although technically I'm 21 weeks) and the baby is right on target for growth. We saw the little one yawn, practicing sucking, and grabbing at it's feet! Crazy! They sent us home with some great little pictures, when we get back I'll have Trevor scan them so I can post them.

Well...I'm off to Sanibel. I can't wait for the sand, shells, fruit, bike riding, schnappers hot dogs, swimming, and a million more things. I'll try to take lots of pictures to share....and you'll have to pretend to be happy for me.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Fear of My Mother-In-Law On The Sandy Beaches Of Sanibel Island

In 5 days we leave for a well deserved vacation on Sanibel Island, FL where Trevor's parents have a house...and where they are also currently living....as it is winter nd they are lucky ducks.
Trevor's sister, brother in-law, and our niece and nephew will also be there vacationing with us. Sounds like an awesome family get away, right?

Believe it or not, I am DREADING our first day with them. Why? Well....because since the last time they say me in a short sleeved T-shirt I started my half sleeve tattoo....

It's something I have wanted for a long time. I put a lot of thought into it, I thought about my parents, Trevor's parents, our future kids, aging, the children's weddings (what will I wear so that I won't be the crazy Mom with her huge tattoo all over the place), and a million other things. Ultimately my husband was psyched about it, I was psyched about it and I decided to take the leap.
Obviously it's not finished and that's because after my 3rd session I found out that I was pregnant! YEAH! But BOO!! for finishing my tattoo! Now I'll be waiting until this fall or beyond to see the final product. See, my INTENTION was to show it too them all AFTER it was complete, not that they would recoil in horror any less, but at least they'd be getting the final product. After that plan was foiled be the fetus, I began planning on showing them before they left for FL. But there was never a good time...I would be on the verge of telling them...the words would be on the tip of my tongue...my hand on my sleeve to pull it up and reveal...AAAAAND then I would chicken.

NOW. NOW, I am their pregnant daughter in law with a huge tattoo. They are going to DIE. It would be one thing if we weren't going to be frolicking around in our bathing suits for a week straight...BUT WE ARE. Sigh. I am just dreading this whole thing. I wish in the moment when they finally do see it I could blurt out all of the things that I thought about when making the decision to get this...that I thought of them and that they were LITERALLY the ONLY reason I felt nervous to get it.
My own parents will have to love me forever and the accept me for me, and they know who I am, they GET me, I was never worried about their, or anyone else's opinion.

All I can think of is when Trevor showed his Mom the beginnings of his full sleeve tattoo and all she said was, "It's SO BIG" with this look of disappointment on her face. My husband thinks they'll be fine, and actually finds humor in my nervous-first-day-of-school-tummy over this whole thing. He just doesn't get it....and I have seriously thought of not going because of it, isn't that ridiculous!!?!?!??!

So...what do you think. Should I bust out an email to them before we get down there or should I just show up in a short sleeved shirt and have his mother faint in the airport?

Please advise.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Some news....


I thought I'd share with you something we, as a little family of two + fetus, have been trying to juggle over the last two months.
As some of you may or may not know, Trevor has had cancer twice in his short 33 years. He is a ticking time bomb...cancer, falling off of balconies....this guy has nine lives.
Since before his first diagnosis with lymphoma 10 years ago he has had night sweats, which were associated with the growing cancer. After receiving radiation and chemotherapy he continued with the night sweats on a fairly regular basis. A lovely little souvenir from the big C. In the last year his night sweats have gotten worse and worse, they happen nightly...sometimes twice a night. Poor Trevor travels from bed to bed to couch just trying to catch a break and get a good nights sleep. As an oncology RN who works at the hospital where my husbands oncologist, Dr. T, has privileges I have a great perk that allows me to talk to him about any concerns, free of charge, as I please. So...last fall I started to mention Trevor's worsening night sweats. Dr. T blamed them on Trevor's diabetes...maybe low blood sugar at night? So, I tested his blood sugar at random times during the night and when he had sweats....the results were normal.
Blah blah blah, fast froward to December when I finally told Dr. T that the sweats WERE NOT related to Trevor's blood sugar or anything else. So he ordered a CT scan of Trevor's chest, abdomen, and pelvis. This showed a spot in Trevor's small bowel. So Dr. T ordered a PET scan....this did nit light up the spot in Trevor's small bowel But it DID light up a spot in his left thigh. I just thought it was a fluke related more to his big 3 story fall in July....but to be safe we pushed on. A CT of the thigh was ordered and then an MRI...the spot was still there. So a consult with an Orthopedic Oncologist at Rush in the city (Chicago) was ordered. Then a biopsy..and then we were told that it is, in fact, cancer!
A big relief is that it is not a recurrence of lymphoma, but a low grade sarcoma. The tumor is SO small and will only need to be surgically removed with no radiation or chemo. The Orthopedic Oncologist we are seeing is #1 in IL for treating these types of tumors, and #6 in the country. He literally sees and removes hundreds of them a year. Next week we will go back to Rush for an ultrasound to see if they can locate it that way because it is so small and will be hard for the Ortho. Onc. to locate with just the eye in the operating room.
Trevor is super lucky. I actually have had several patients recently with sarcomas in their thighs...and they were in rough shape because these tumors normally aren't found until they are much larger and present with more symptoms. Usually resulting in more invasive treatments.
Since December we've been playing a waiting game and holding our breath in anticipation of the next round of test results. We finally have a solid concrete answer and one that isn't so scary. To those who knew about this the whole time...thank you so much for your kind words and prayers.
To those people in my life who didn't know....I'm sorry that you are finding out this way. I just finally felt like writing about it and am feeling a little tired of updating family every other day with new info and having to look at worried faces all the time. Sometimes I'm not good at dealing with peoples responses to news like this. Some people have that sad look of pity...some people freak out and say things like, OH MY GOD THAT'S HORRIBLE. Some people just listen and give hugs, and that's best.

So...Internet friends, thanks for listening. Have a great night...maybe give your families a bigger and longer squeeze than normal. I think Trevor is getting sick of all of my big gooey hugs.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Another Topic Monopolizing My Brain....

NOW all I can think about is money money money money money money.
Our budget, money in, money out, ways to save, trying not to shop....which is so HARD. That is our biggest issue, when we want something we just go and buy it. When we want to eat out we do. The two of us are a BAD combo because we don't keep each other in check.
We need more in savings...and I want to organize our spending and try to spend like we will when the baby is here and put the "baby" money over the next 5 months in savings for when the baby is actually here.

Another issue is that my husband works on comission. He has a nice base salary but we count on a certain amount of comission each month. It's hard to work on a budget when you don't know exactly how much money your working with.

Ugh. The good thing is...we BOTH have jobs. I know we are lucky to have this in our economy.

My question for you is...do any of you have a reccomendation for a good book on finances?

Thursday, January 22, 2009


I keep wanting to write a new post...but all I have on my mind is babybabybabybabybabyyyyyyyyyyyy. I don't want to BORE the crap out the few folks who read this blog that aren't a parent or expecting. But I'm telling you...that is HARD. I just can't think of much else!

I can't stop thinking about the fact that I am pregnant and that there is a baby in my belly ready to come live with us in less that 6 months. What is with THAT?!?!?! I need at LEAST another 9 months before I am going to feel prepared. Can you tell I'm a procrastinator?

The GOOD thing is that in the last 2 weeks I have become more excited about being pregnant and becoming a mama and less terrified by the whole idea. Also, I don't feel completely exhausted all the time and I'm able to do more than eat, sleep, and go to work.

So...sorry if I have put you to sleep with my brief blurb on whats up over here at OTOP....as soon as I have something NON-BABY to say I'll post it!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Sooooo...we ALL know I was trying to lose weight BEFORE I got pregnant. I had just jumped back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon right around the time we (unknowingly) conceived. I was seeing success and feeling great and then I found out I was pregnant. Since then I have been watching my diet but not depriving myself and keeping up with my workout schedule of 3-4 times per week. So far in the last 14 weeks of pregnancy I have gained only 2 lbs. I think this is pretty good....I don't know how I compare to others, I may be right on the mark. But I was expecting to blow up like an elephant, and on top of the weight gain I STILL fit in my regular pants! This too may be normal but I had visions of me rolling around like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

The point of this post in a non-sensical,round about way is to tell you about this issue I am having: MY scale vs the OBGYN scale. I own an OFFICIAL Weight Watchers scale...the nicest scale I have ever owned. When I weigh myself on this scale the number it produces nearly matches EXACTLY the number on the scale I was weighed on at my WW meetings. Imagine my horror when I walked into the OBGYN for the first time and it is seriously SIX pounds higher than my home scale (& the WW meeting scale!)!!!
I don't know why this bothers me SO MUCH but it kills me every time they weigh me on that devil bitch scale.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Things That Need To Get Done Before The New Human Arrives: A List

I'm trying to nap and all my mind can do is bounce from room to room in my house thinking of all the crap that needs to be accomplished before July 16th. Actually before May let's say, just in case the wee one throws a monkey wrench in my face and decides he/she wants to some early or do naughty things to make me lay around on bed rest for 2 months or something. Luckily, my in-laws will be at their home in Florida for the winter and we will be moving into their house that is just 10 minutes away to stretch our legs. We do this every winter, it's a nice break from our little house.

So here is my TO DO list from mid-January to May in all of its likely boringness.

1) Clean the garage
2) Paint the deck
3) Paint the trim on the new sliding glass door
4) Organize our office area and files
5) Reorganize the cabinets in dining room and kitchen
6) Build a pantry in the basement for overflow from the tiny cabinets
7) Make room in one of these tiny cabinets for baby stuff
8) Dry Clean oriental rug in living room
9) Organize and create a system in our hall coat closet
10) Organize our attic
11) Build bookcases for overflow books in the attic
12) Re grout and seal the tile in the shower, seal around the tub, install a new window in the shower
13) Organize the bathroom and linen closet, get ride of products that haven't been used in years..also make room for new humans bath stuff
14) Paint nursery, hang shelves, buy furniture
15) Go through closets in both guest room and master bedroom....somehow put all of our clothes in our room and an overflow wardrobe in the basement
16) Hang shelves and new photo collage in our bedroom
17) Find lampshades for stupid lamps I bought 2 years ago for 5 dollars each at Anthroplogie and have yet to find shades that fit.
18) Clean and organize basement
19) Clean and create a nice laundry room space...I hear I'll be doing even more than I do now. I think I need to hire a laundry gimp who lives in my basement.
20) Donate or sell all the items we purge from our house at the family garage sale this summer.

This will be me in no time: