Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Some stuff about the last year.

A meme from Sundry!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Started growing another human being in my body

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't make resolutions because I never stick to them. it's always disappointing.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My best friend Samantha, my childhood friend Jamie, and two of my friends at work.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thank god.

5. What countries did you visit? Is Park Rapids, MN a country?

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Jeez. More money in savings, more patience, enough money to take unlimited yoga at my favorite studio for a year, an organized home.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? July 21st-the day Trevor plummeted to the ground from a 3rd story balcony and broke his body. November 14th-the day the pregnancy test read POSITIVE!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Becoming a nurse!!

9. What was your biggest failure? Not taking hold of our finances like we had planned. It's so much easier to be lazy.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Injury- Trevor's "balcony incident"

11. What was the best thing you bought? New and fancy yoga mat

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? OBAMA!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Blago the Governor....California (Prop 8)

14. Where did most of your money go? Our house and "things" (I'm being honest)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Being pregnant (also really, really, really scared.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Ridiculous but....I Kissed A Girl.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier...but also sadder due to my insane and raging hormones of death.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter...due to the baby. Not MUCH fatter though (yet)
c) richer or poorer? Richer but not by much.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Camping with husband and family

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spending

20. How did you spend Christmas? Christmas Eve at work and then with Trevor's family for their annual cocktail/dinner party, Christmas Day with my family, the day after with Trevor's family

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? No

22. What was your favorite TV program? The Hills. Please don't hate me.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No. I don't hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read? The Devil In The White City!!!!!!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Susan Tedeschi

26. What did you want and get? A baby in my belly, The healing of my husband, A job as a nurse, the health of my family.

27. What did you want and not get? A million dollars, a home on a lake

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Humbolt County

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Turned 28...and I can't remember. Isn't that terrible??!!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? A more organized and less cluttered home.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Yoga casual.

32. What kept you sane? Yoga

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Eddie Vedder in all his hotness.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Gay marriage.

35. Who did you miss? Grace, Jamie, The Gissel Family, friends in general because we are all so damn busy.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Gosh...I haven't really net anyone new that has stayed in my life. I think any of my patients...and their are a few really special ones that grip my heart.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Life is so damn temporary. Painfully and heart achingly temporary. Make the best of this amazing time...try not to focus on the crappy everyday little things. Focus on the miracle of being ALIVE.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. again...drawing a blank...

Happy New Year all!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

On Fear....

So....the other day a good friend of mine from nursing school just looked at me and said, "you look really scared. are you scared?".

Her words surprised me, because while I TOTALLY feel that way, I'm trying not to let people know that. I feel this expectation to be blindly ecstatic with visions of a perfect pregnancy and a perfectly healthy baby and perfect, perfect, perfection. Unfortunately, being in the field I'm in I see and hear a lot of stories and I know that bad stuff can happen...and I just feel scared that some of that stuff will happen to me and my baby.

Also...I feel scared of actually having the baby home with us after he/she is born. I am so nervous about how that will be and how will I know if they are okay and am doing the right thing. I'm scared of the exhaustion and the 24/7 need for me. I said about a month ago that I almost wish that Trevor and I didn't wait nearly 5 years to have our first child because I know how damn EASY and carefree these years have been. I do realize that I'll look back at those years and be thankful for our 1 on 1 time.

I also worry about how huge I'll get. I was already losing weight trying to get ready for a pregnancy....but then SURPRISE! It happened sooner that we thought. So now I'm all in a tizzy about how much weight I'll gain and being healthy and looking at that Shape of A Mother website and rocking myself to sleep at night.

I hope that these fears start going away. That I can start to feel more joyful and live in the moment of my first pregnancy.
Did any of you feel this way? If you did, how did you quiet your fears and just GO with it?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

A little hostility.......

You know you're having ISSUES with your hormones when the dog barks at you from the sliding glass door to come in from the freezing cold and you grumble to yourself, "GOD! Why can't the damn dog just quietly ASK to come in? WHY does she INSIST on BARKING SO LOUDLY!!?? Can't she see I'm on FACEBOOK?! JEEEEEZ!"

I'm trying to maintain serenity....I really am.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Let's Raise Some Cash!

Hey all! My blog pal Pseudostoops is giving away her hard earned money this week to a few different charities and could use your help! All you have to do is go to her website and comment on that days post and she'll donate an additional $.50 to the charity or organization featured that day on top of the $25 she has already pledged! You don't have to say anything special....you can even type "I am commenting".

Here it is in her words, "This year, instead of one large-ish donation to a favorite organization, I’m going to give several smaller donations to smaller local organizations. These are organizations I know either personally or professionally, that are perhaps not as well-known as some of the bigger charitable causes. All of them are organizations to which I’ve never donated money directly before (though for some, I have donated time)".

On Friday she doesn't have an organization to feature so in your comments each day you can also put a vote in for the organization of your choice and hopefully it will be chosen for a minimum donation of $50!

Let's rally for Pseudostoops and all the folks who will benefit from the donations!

READY, SET, COMMENT!!!!!

Monday, December 8, 2008

and, AND...

I got to visit the baby in my belly today! I had some cramping and went into the office for a check up...everything looks fine, so no worries there. But today you could see how the amniotic sac has formed, the start of the umbilical cord, and the blood flow from me to the baby through the cord!! And, when I thought it couldn't get any better, the baby in my belly started to MOVE AROUND...and I got to see it! It was like a little seahorse wagging its tail at me!

AMAZING!

Friday, December 5, 2008

The Ultrasound Says.....

Sorry to keep you waiting!
Officially....I am 8 weeks pregnant! Yesssss! Everything looked good and I'm scheduled for my next appt in 4 weeks.
However, I DID have to go on Labetalol for my blood pressure. I have been on medication for my blood pressure for about two years (I have had issues iwth hypertension since I was 18 but I didn't need meds until two years ago) and went off of the meds per my Cardiologist as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I have been keeping close tabs on my BP everyday, taking it at home in the morning and evening and the results have been suprisingly great off my usual meds. On a few occasions my pressures went above the acceptable range after stressful days at work, etc. Thus resulting in being prescribed a new, safer BP med for pregnancy. In addition to the medication I have been continuing with yoga 3-4 x/ week, cutting back on sodium, and not drinking a single lick of caffiene. Painful but true.

Thanks for the good mojo!!!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Butterflies

I have butterflies in my stomach today....in fact they're not just in my stomach...they've traveled up into my chest and throat. They're strangling me!!

I'm so nervous because today is our first appointment with the OBGYN. I've been having nightmares every night that range from the doctor telling me I am not pregnant, that my uterus is incapable of carrying a baby to full term, to a diagnosis of ovarian cancer. It's quite ridiculous....but each time I think of walking into the office at 2:45 today I feel panic well up in my chest.

I think it's hard for me to grasp the idea that Trevor and I made a baby without even really trying. I have an irregular menstrual cycle and he has a low sperm count due to a series of radiation treatments for cancer years back. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??
I must confess that I have always thought, deep down, that we wouldn't be able to have children. I know so many people who struggle with conceiving, who've had multiple miscarriages. How could we be so lucky, so blessed?

I have always wanted children, I love children....and I've never felt the depth of this desire until I found out I was pregnant. I am so afraid that today I'm going to be told it's not true....it's just killing me.

Deep Breaths.

I have a full day ahead of me: yoga, a meeting at work, and then the appt. I'll let you know how it goes.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

My Body is Playing Tricks On Me

Hello.

I am nauseous....but I still feel like eating (WTF???). So I eat.
And then....I am still nauseous.

Jeez.

I love you tiny little baby....but I feel upset right now because all I want is this hideous feeling to go away.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

For you, a suprise!

About 3 weeks ago, I was admitted to the hospital for chest pain. They did lots of tests, did an ultrasound of my heart called a 2D Echocardiogram and found a crazy lump in my atrium and then did another test called a TEE (transesophageal echocardiogram) where they sort of sedate you and jam a tube down your throat, ultrasound through your esophagus to your heart (which is now a mere 2mm away or something crazy) and they found that the crazy lump on my atrial wall was nothing to be worried about, in fact it wasn't a lump at all but some fibers that are no big deal. I was released and all is well. During this time they did a pregnancy test...which I was secretly hoping would be positive...but it was negative. Oh well. We weren't really trying anyhow.

Fast forward to last Friday 11/14. Still no period. Sore breasts. Moody. PRAYING for my period so this hell could end.
The alarm goes off, it's 6am. Trevor gets in the shower...I have to pee. I can't fall back asleep. Peepeppeeeeepeeepeeeeee. Damn! I guess i have to get up. I decided to take another pregnancy test. The best time is in the morning, first pee. I have a pregnancy test, by chance. So, Trevor's in the shower I lumber into the bathroom, we exchange Good Mornings.

I pee on the stick.
I watch it progress.
Trevor showers.

It looks like this:


(not my actual test)

My hands start to shake and I fumble for the instructions, I compare. It is, in fact, positive. Holy SHIT!

I ask Trevor if he wants to see something crazy. He pauses and says, Sure?
I jam the test through the shower curtain and he is unsure of what he is looking at. I shout that it's a pregnancy test....and it's POSITIVE!! He looks at me with disbelief...we both are just standing there, water going everywhere, we are going to have a baby.

Through out the day I take another test...it's still positive. However, Trevor still is not convinced. He tells me to go the hospital (where I am an RN) early before I have to start my shift and see if any of the docs will write a script for me to have a blood test. So I do. I go to work, I find one of the docs I work with all the time, tell them the situation, they tell me I don't need the test, that the urine tests are accurate, but if my husband insists ( a great perk of my job). I go down to the outpatient lab, they draw my blood, and a few hours later I find out that my serum quantitative Hcg level is over 7,000. This freaks me out because I have no idea what that means. I look it up and learn that a non-pregnant woman's Hcg is <5. My number indicates I am somewhere between 5-6 weeks along. Which is what my OBGYN though when I called to make an appt. earlier in the the day. I call Trevor, he can belive now. When I come home from work we go out to eat. We don't say much....we stare at each other with wonder...with fear...with joy...with anticipation.

So, yeah. I'm PREGNANT.
It's still early and I am well aware of all the risks....but I had to share...and I'm so excited, and OMG!!!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Today I feel Winter Is Here

I like the winter.

But, MAN this cold weather and these dreary skies are bumming me out.
I am really having a tough time adjusting.
So tired...so gloomy...so unmotivated.

I just want to sleep and stay wrapped up in my down comforter on my couch for the next 4 months.

I hope it snows soon...and the sun shines bright. Then I'll feel happy again in my winter wonderland. The dog and I will hike at the forest preserve and I'll feel the quiet serenity of a winter day envelope me. The sun will be glitter beneath my feet.
I'll feel better then.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Damn.

Why is it that a non-fat eggnog latte is STILL over 400 calories?
Why is it that a non-fat peppermint mocha is STILL over 300 calories?

Why?

I...the unsuspecting dieter that I am...have gone into Starbucks twice this week thinking that I'm safe ordering the non-fat milk option only to find out later in the day after looking up the nutritional info online that I have SCREWED myself and must live out the remainder of the day eating only lettuce.

Now tomorrow I must workout after my 14 hour work day of nursing. I am going to be incredibly unpleasant after completing this workout. So....anyone who is required to engage in any sort of conversation or activity with me should just avert their eyes and do something nice to appease me.

I'm just saying.

My motto for this holiday season is this:

Thursday, November 6, 2008

It's A Beautiful Thing



I'll be honest, in the beginning when the two Democratic candidates were a Woman and an African American man I thought we were screwed. Not because I didn't think they were capable of doing an amazing job...but because I didn't think this country had come far enough to elect either one.

And then there was Tuesday...and I witnessed one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I had tears....and my throat hurt from the lump that was stuck there with pride and overwhelming joy for the 44th President of the USA. I am so proud of how far our country has come. I am so proud of Barack Obama.

Let Him Be Well
Let Him Be Happy
Let him Bring Peace
(a little something borrowed from my yoga instructor)

Monday, November 3, 2008

GAHHHH!

I've been without internet since we last spoke!
I didn't realize how absolutley, yet ridiculously, VITAL the internet is to my daily grind.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
My internet providor is like a small crippled monkey...and I feel very frustrated with them. At one point during our 4 conversations over the last week I spoke loudly into the phne and said, "I'm a nurse. If I f***ked up as much as you do people would be dead...THANK GOD YOU DON'T HAVE THAT TYPE OF RESPOSIBILITY ON YOUR SHOULDERS! This is your JOB and you are sooooooo bad at at it. You should be disappointed in yourselves." Now I realize this sounds a little extrreme. But I had FOUR different conversations with them, each lasting greater than 2 hours...and EVERY TIME they still had NO CLUE WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON. But now I have phone and internet again and I can feel more calm. CALM......

So now, I'm just stretching my legs and getting comfortable with the internets again...will be back to tell you the story of my hospital visit...I'm fine..don't get your panties in a bunch....also another tasty recipe...and general ramblings.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Two Things

Thing One:
Trevor and I are cracking down on our budget. This is such a challenge for us and has been for the entirety of our marriage. Now with the current state of our economy it's easier to say "I'm on a budget" without feeling cheap or stingy. It allows us to stop that "keeping up the jones" mentality. So, one major thing we have changed is making a meal plan and only grocery shopping once a week. Real Simple's Nov. 2008 issue helped me this week with their "Love Your Leftovers" & "Five Easy Dinners" articles. The first recipe I tried was I the Creamy Mashed Potato & Leek Soup . The recipe is meant to use your leftover mashed potatoes from Thanksgiving....so I had to make a batch first. I just used some baby potatoes, skin on, half a stick of salted butter, & a head of oven roasted garlic. Also, I substituted half of the low sodium chicken broth with regular. Low sodium broth is the devil. I also added a touch of Old Bay seasoning, white pepper, & black pepper to taste. This soup was easy to make and I am telling you that when you eat it you'll feel like you're eating potatoes and lots of creamy fat goodness. But in reality the only creamy fat is the butter you use to make the mashed potatoes. I served it with a small salad of organic greens with homemade balsamic vinaigrette and a slice of hearty bread. HELLA!

Thing Two:
We are entering the cold weather season in the Midwest. This is distressing to me. Not because I don't like the weather....because I LOVE the cold, but because there is a large number of whiney Midwesterner's who BTICH the entire winter season about the temperature. Also it seems that the topic of conversation ANYWHERE you go is the cold. How cold is it outside? How much ice and/or snow is on the ground? What are the roads like? What is the temperature? What is the windchill?

It is cold out. The roads are probably crap. It will be this way for many more months. Get over it. It's the Midwest...either take the winters as they are or leave. No amount of your bellyaching will change it.
Thank you. I just had to get that of my chest.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Buy nothing new for a month??

I've decided to try the "buy nothing new for a year" thing....but only for a month. I thought I'd give it a try...and try it month by month on a trial basis. Maybe I'll make it 2 months, maybe I'll make it a year.

I walked into Target to return a bunch of shirts and random crap I had bought last week while my husband was away. I realized that I didn't need these things and that the money was better off in my account. I realized that while I give my husband a hard time for spending money on large ticket items...I do a lot of frivolous spending of my own.

At the end of the 4 weeks I'm going to compare my bank statements and see what a dent my "latte, target, pottery barn, gap, old navy, jamba juice, eating out, ebay, etsy-factor" has on our pocketbooks. I'll probably want to curl up into a ball with nausea when I see it....but it will be a good reality check.

Tell me, have any of you ever tried anything like this before?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Perfect in our own way.

It's getting cold at night. The air is no longer thick with heat and I walk my huskie throught cool brisk night air...I can see the high school stadium lights a few blocks away and hear the crowds cheer and the announcers voice boom. the sky is clear and crisp and the stars brighter...I walk a few blocks enjoying looking through my neighboors bright yellow windows into their lives for a few seconds each. I breathe pure fall air. I get to the sidewalks end and I am across the street from my home under a wide maple tree, standing with the street lamp spattering through the leaves casting pointy magical shadows onto my feet.

There is my house...the garden tall the mulch thick. Bright fall mums in my window boxes and fall grasses in my hanging planters. the porch lights call me home and I look throught the bright yellow window into my life and its perfect.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

hi !!!!!!!!

Hey All!!

I'm alive! Husband and I were Up North for a week! I will tell you all about it on Wendesday because I am tired now and tomorrow I work!

Exclamation points!!! I guess I love them a lot today!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Foodie Meme

Trevor and I consider ourselves to be foodies. Before I met him I wasn't much of one though...I didn't like mustard or onions or asparagus or medium rare meat, or sushi. I didn't know the names of more than 10 spices. I remember sitting across from him at dinner when we first met...he was TALKING about his food. In depth. Asking me QUESTIONS about the flavors I was experiencing....asking my opinion on the TEXTURE and richness of an onion pearl (which i hated but was trying for him). I remember wanting to slam his face against the table and tell him to shut the f**k up and just let me eat already. Really. I felt that irritated by it. My mom was, and still is, a great cook...but in a different way. In a home cooked MOM way. Trevor introduced me to a wild and crazy world of flavors and textures. After a few months of being forced to talk about my food, I actually began to enjoy and learn from it. I began to try a whirlwind of new things and understand the complexity of food. Now....we love to talk about food together. I no longer want to cause him physical harm while we dine. The pinnacle of my foodie experience was with Trevor....at Charlie Trotters last December. I had just finished nursing school and to celebrate he took me to experience food ecstasy. Charlie Trotters printed up a special menu with a message of congratulations just for me....and then we got a tour of the kitchen. The food was more that just food...it was art...it was transcendant....it was heaven. The evening was a pure delight. I'll never forget it.

So...the point of this post is....I saw this Meme over at Green Style Mom....thought it was a good way to get a blog entry in this week!

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.

2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.

3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. (I don't know what command crosses out...so I'll use and exclamation point)

4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at http://www.verygoodtaste.co.uk/uncategorised/the-omnivores-hundred/ linking to your results.


1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. !!Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes (some berry and dandelion...GROSS)
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. !!Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters

29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo

40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu Nah
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut. (best warm!)
50. 50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV (PISGAH BREWERY!! HELLLLLAAA!!)59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads (had them in a NYC restaurant years ago... I didn't know what I was ordering!)
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette.
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. !!Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict

83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.(No...a dream of ours)
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers

89. !!Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam (I can't believe I've never tried Spam...)
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa (no, but sounds really interesting)
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee (back in my Prescott College days...)
100. Snake

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Home is where my sanity is. Most of the time.

Major lesson learned from husband falling from 3 story balcony and having to stay in a hospital bed for 5 weeks at his parents house:

I LOVE my little house and all its cramped spaces and disorganization and tiny 1940's closets with no room and not-so-perfect drapes and dog hair tumble weeds and deck with chipped paint.

We do not need to live with my in-laws for a year to save money for a bigger house.

I am perfectly content in staying here and saving as much money as we comfortably can each month. I feel happier knowing that our first child will be with us in our first home where we humbly began...they will share in that togetherness with us. Maybe not REMEMBER, but they'll know that they slept under our little roof and ate veggies from our little garden and swung in our striped hammock with us. I remember feeling a sad pit in my stomach when we made the decision to move in with my in-laws...not because I don't like them or felt it would be particularly difficult, but because I really wanted a BABY in THIS house....in our little yellow room with lots of light. In my mind it has always been "the nursery".

So, now we can do that....with confidence and without wonder.

Living with my in-laws these last 5 weeks because of Trevor's injury was a blessing in disguise. We learned that while it's great to have a Mom and Dad cook and clean for you, pay the cable bill, walk the dog, offer to do laundry, load the dishwasher, and have a hot meal waiting for you at 8pm after a 14 hour day....it ultimately feels WAY better to do those things on your own...at your own speed, on your own terms. I think it was after the first 2 weeks when we just looked at each other a blurted out almost simultaneously that we couldn't wait to get back to our little house.

So here we are. Back home. Piles of laundry and dishes. Doors off the hinges so Trevor can maneuver easily. A 3 foot pile of paperwork to shuffle through. Barely any food in the fridge.

And it feels so damn good.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Things I have been doing.

-Reading the book The Devil In The White City by Erik Larson
-Listening to Liam Finn and Katy Perry Two very different artists...but both make my ears happy.
-Working out with Factor 5 Fitness as my guide with my new YMCA membership through my parents. a la on the cheap.
-Sitting 2nd row center at the Eddie Vedder show from his solo tour last Thursday...sexxxxxxy dude.
-Staying at the Hyatt Regency downtown using priceline.com's name your own price dealy. Super cheap.
-Painting my bedroom walls this color (the can on the bottom right) with this color trim
-Using this tape that sucks ass to assist me in acheiving paint perfection, but instead doubling the amount of work I have to do and making me feel like killing others because I must spend even more time breathing toxic fumes in my small ass bedroom. It is NOT operator error. I am VERY good at painting & taping.
-going to car shows in Madison and McHenry with my family
-working
-sleeping
-giving my husband hugs
-strangling my husband
-hugging him again
-eating the "That's How I Roll" ice cream treat at Cold Stone Creamery.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

For The Love Of God.

WHY???

I saw someone wearing these today.
Why.
Why would someone think that THESE CROC HIGH HEELS are a wise fasion choice?
I am not a fashion guru but I know that this is, in fact, WRONG.
A BAD PURCHASE. A WASTE OF MONEY. A SURE SHOT AT GETTING LAUGHED AT BY MANY.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Today's Mood = Disgruntled

It's August. Seriously, WTF.

-I have YET to really go swimming in my parents Lake.
-I have NOT enjoyed very many barbeques on our deck, or anyone elses for that matter.
-I have BARELY gone bike riding on my normal paths through out Lake County.
-I feel like our vegetable garden is TORTURING me by s l o w l y ripening one tomato at a time.
-I don't have a great tan. You can KEEP your skin cancer comments.
-I lost my iPod in March somewhere between my in-laws and my house...and STILL cannot find it. So my Summer 2008 Playlist?? FUCKING GONE.
-I can barely leave Mr. Broken Pelvis' side without feeling like a BIG JERK, so any hope for Summer Activites for the last 3 weeks and for the next week are hopeless.

And much, much more.
Growling, Grumble, Grrhh, Spit, Hissssssss.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Scenes From My Life: July 20th-July 31st

Sunday, July 20th @ 3am:
We are at the Herrington Inn & Spa spending the night after our friends beautiful wedding and a night of merriment. Josh, Trevor's best friend in from Arizona, is staying with us in our room and we have just returned after some drinks, dancing, and lots of fun. I immediately jump in the shower as I am sweaty from dancing and wet with rain. I'm in the shower for a few minutes when I hear, "KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK...KNOCKKNOCK KNOCK!!! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!!

"WHAT?!", I yell.
"Ummm....Kristin? Trevor just fell from the balcony!!", Josh shouts.

My mind stops and I jump from the shower..grab a towel and run to the balconies edge to see Trevor laying on the ground 3 stories below.

Thursday, July 31st @ 7:15am:
I am asleep in a guest bedroom upstairs at my in-laws. It is my belief that my husband is asleep as well, in his hospital bed in the dining room downstairs. I am dreaming when in the back of my consciousness I hear, "KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK...KNOCKKNOCK KNOCK!!! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!!

"Come in...", I sleepily say.
The door swings open and in a panic my father-in-law stands there and says, "Kristin, I walked into the kitchen and Trevor was standing there trying to make his way to the bathroom"!
"GODDAMMIT", I yell.

I grab a hoodie and zip it on as I practically tumble down the stairs to Trevor who, by now, has made it too the bathroom....and he's naked (because he can't get boxers on due to the pelvic fractures...but now he can walk??!! WTF??!) He is in considerable pain. I grab his Dad's office chair with wheels and help Trevor's naked ass on to the soft leather that his Dad will later sit on and do work from. He is squawking and moaning as I roll him to the side of his bed...and we maneuver him into a laying position with his legs elevated.

I shout, "You are the stupidest person I know! If you pull that shit again, I'm going to send your ass to a nursing home to get rehab! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Trevor meekly nods his head in agreement and keeps his mouth shut..because he knows I'm THIS close to punching him in the face.


I need a drink.....and it's not even noon.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Home...sort of.

Trevor (AKA: Spidey, Batman, The Amazing Rubber Man, or anything else you'd like to call him) is now home, since Saturday, at the my in-laws, in their dining room. He has a nice hospital bed with a gel mattress and trapeze to help him maneuver on his own in bed and a great view out to his Mom's beautiful garden. His dad and brother-in-law ran some cable up to a TV and he's all set with his PlayStation 2. We're going to embark on a marathon of the TV show Lost when we get a DVD player hooked up....that should take up at least a week or two of our time, right?

He will stay in bed for the next couple of weeks, work from home as he's able, and then head on over to the Orthopedic Surgeon's office August 13th via ambulance for xrays of his spine, pelvis and right hip. If all goes well he'll get permission to start more intense physical therapy and will begin walking with a walker (I'm thinking I'll spray paint a "Camo" design or flames on it). I made the appt. a little early because our Godson's 1st birthday party is on August 17th...and if Trevor is able to go he'd love to...so we're going to press our luck, see if the universe with throw Trevor yet ANOTHER bone and go in about 5 days early and see if he has healed enough to get is arse out of bed! The worst they can say is "no". His desire to get our of bed a little earlier is also spurred by the Ten Club tickets we have to see Eddie Vedder at the Auditorium Theatre on August 21st. He figures he'll be in a wheelchair and will be given a handicapped seat close to the stage. If Eddie happens to find interest in him and his situation I think we'll have to substitute the "Trevor was acting like a Jackass story" with - Trevor was trying to rescue a kitten, puppy, and/or elderly woman causing him to tumble three stories. Maybe then Eddie will kiss me and ask me to marry him...I mean tell Trevor he is his hero.

Thanks to EVERYONE for your thoughts, prayers, and healing vibes. They have surely carried us through this last week.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Things We Take for Granted

It's been a long day and I just flipped through the latest issue of Playboy that came for Trevor in the mail. Hey, I like the articles!

I felt so tired and my eyes were heavy from a long day by his side and a few hours on the floor nursing other peoples husbands to health as mine lay a few doors away in pain. Hard.

I turned the lights out..and that's when the sadness comes, when I begin to feel overwhelmed.

God. I want him here in bed, even though he sometimes makes annoying sounds as he fights his way to sleep. I just want him here to hold hands with and to snuggle with in the dark. I don't want to watch TV alone, where is he to fight with me about watching another damn stupid episode of Flipping Out? I know he is sleeping alone...in the hospital...I wonder if he is awake wondering where I am...or if he's in pain. I think of the many more weeks it will be like this and my heart is aching and the tears flow and I feel like I can't do it....and I feel angry with him for being so stupid and I feel sad for him and his broken body...and I feel selfish because I want him to know how hard these last few day have been, but I've been so strong for him...and he has no idea. I can't wait to see him in the morning but I dread the moments when the pain is unbearable and I can't make it go away and he looks up at me with those frantic and confused eyes..why am I letting him suffer?

I feel thankful that we have so much support...and I can feel the good vibes of love and healing....but all I want is my husband back in bed with me....and it feels like that day will be so far away and my heart bleeds and my eyes cry and all I want is the strong arms of my healthy husband and his warm chest to wipe my tears on.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Dahna na na na, Dahna na na na nahna na na...BATMAN!!

I am in the hospital typing this, not as a working RN, but as a visitor to my husband who had a terrible accident late Saturday night, early Sunday morning. He fell 3 stories off of a hotel balcony onto concrete. He has three broken ribs, two fractured vertebrae, a fracture in his sacral spine, two fractures in his pelvis (one in the front and one in the back-picture a lifesaver broken in half), and a fracture at his right hip joint. He has a small internal bleed that seems to be stable and is in a lot of pain, but thankfully, that's being pretty well managed. This morning, he also had an IVC Filter placed to help prevent any blood clots from working their way to his heart or lungs.

By the grace of something or someone MUCH larger than us he has come away from that night with his life and no change in sensation or movement in his legs. Also, as far as the orthopedic surgeons can tell from the xrays and scans he's had, he will not need surgery. Tomorrow we will know more and a plan will be established. We are well, we transferred from the ICU of another hospital to the unit and hospital I work at, so it's like being at my home away from home. I can totally trust my fellow RN's and the surgeons here...also I can be a busy body here and have my hands in more of his care...that's kind of hard to do when you're in another hospital. We are SO THANKFUL for this outcome....like I said, our situation could be MUCH worse.

I know some of you reading this are close friends of mine and are probably FREAKING that I haven't called to tell you. Just know my minutes have been consumed by our situation and updating family and I'll give you a ring soon. It's just a bit hard to make the call that starts with, "hey, Trevor fell 3 stories onto the hard concrete ground and his body is broken, OHMYGOD!"

Some of us have nicknamed him Batman...others have taken to calling hime Spidey. :-)

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Life Changes

So. Trevor and I want to move sooooo badly. We've lived in our great little 1940's Cape Cod that is so cute for four years now...our first house together. However we are feeling so cramped and we want to get into a little bigger of a home before we start having kids. The problem is the shit-ass housing market. We wouldn't get what we paid for this house. That sucks. Also, we need more of a down payment to move up into a larger home. To get to that point quicker we have come to the conclusion that we need to rent our home and *cough* moveinwithmyinlaws.

Sigh.

This has been a hard option for me to comprehend. I am a grown ass woman. I think of waking up in the morning with oily skin and a squirrels nest for hair and walking down to the kitchen with no bra on, running into my father-in-law and I want to fall over and die. I think of coming home after a 12 hour nursing shift wanting to flop down on the couch and instead having to retreat to "my room" like a 16 year old. Not that common spaces wouldn't be available for our use...but sometimes you just want to be alone with a beer and HGTV and not have your mother-in-law asking if you want a cup of tea and and hour of "Dancing With The Stars".

On the up side we would live there for 12 months. 4 of those months they would be in FL at their winter place. We would save a crap ton of money. In the end we would be in a bigger house and possibly have an investment property (our current home).

My in laws are awesome people...very generous and kind. We are lucky to even have this option. Also, if it were my parents house we were moving into I would feel just as light hearted about this decision as Trevor does. The thought of it all just takes some getting used to.

I'll keep you updated.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

People Like This Exist, Scary.

My best friend Samantha of this blog sent me an email today with a link to this voicmeail recording.

Holy Mother of God. This man is IN-MOTHERF***ING-SANE. You MUST listen to this.....THE DOUCHIEST PHONE MESSAGE IN HISTORY.

P.S. Couldn't embed the message here becase blogger is the devil.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Contests & Sexxxy Tattoo's

Check out Trevors new tattoo...HOT! I didn't upload the pictures here because sometimes Blogger is a stubborn whorebag.

Over the next 6 months Trevor will be getting a full sleeve tattoo completed by Patrick Cornolo of Speakeasy Custom Tattoo in Chicago. Theses first photos are a little squirrely because of the black and gray outlines. The black ink will continue to be seen after color is put in but the gray will not, giving the gray outlined areas the feeling of a painting. Patrick said that people might think that the tattoo is in the process of being removed...or that the tattoo artist is shitty but, in fact, it's just the first step of many towards a beautiful piece of permanent art inspired by our family ranch in South Dakota.

As far as the whole contest thing goes....my mom and I are engaged in a weight loss contest. It's called "The Sacred Toe Shake Challenge"....don't ask.
This September, Trevor, my Mom, my Dad, my Brother, and I are all going out to my in-laws winter home on Sanibel Island, FL for a week of R&R. It's been a long time since we've had a relaxing vacation and a REALLY long time since my folks have had a relaxing vacation. We are looking forward to good food, fishing, exploring, swimming, shelling, and late night chats on the porch.
Today while chatting about the trip, my my Mom said she'd like to lose 10lbs before we leave & with that we decided to make a contest out of it. So, whoever loses the most by the trip gets a $50 treat/souvenir of their choice, a tighter ass, and bragging rights. Little does SHE know, I'm already engaged in a weight loss challenge with my sexy lover Lance Armstrong and that I've lost 3 lbs as of today!

AHAHAHHHAAHHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Monday, June 30, 2008

Blah, blah, blah.

I don't have much to post about...work has been really hard this last week, lots of challenges and learning experiances.

I have been so enjoying not having to go to school and work and it's caused me to become LAZY! I have barely touched my gardens this year and I have yet to plant my window boxes or hanging baskets. At least I made the first step and bought all the annuals to go in my planters....they're just chillin' on my back patio waiting.

Trevor is starting his full sleeve tattoo tonight. That should produce an interesting story or two and rev my blogging engine. I'll post pics tomorrow.

As for today, I am heading over to a friends for yoga and then I'm going a little North to a farm called Ginger Blossom. It's s uper neat place that sells importes rugs, clothes, furniture, and home goods from all over the world. The woman who owns the place teaches yoga in the farm field on Sunday mornings and grows organic produce. What could be better than that?!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Flickr Meme



1. Mice Parade – Kristín Anna Valtýsdóttir, 2. a fairy cake, 3. drilling, 4. Beautiful old lady from Darap(Sikkim) village, 5. Eddie Vedder with Kings of Leon 28 June 2007, 6. Orange Wine, 7. Enter, 8. Handmade chocolate cupcakes filled with blueberry cream and topped with dark chocolate ganache and some more of these absolutely delicious wild blueberries, 9. Cute Calf !, 10. Watching the fireworks, 11. You And I Fly A Ship Seeking The Warm Unending Sky, 12. Fire ! / Argentina

I've seen these collages of photos before...but NEVER knew how to make one until I was over at Green Style Mom and saw her Flickr Meme. What a great idea....I had fun exploring Flickr in a way I have never tried before.

I hope you try it out and let me know if you do it....so I can see YOUR Meme too!

Try it yourself with the Mosaic Maker

The concept:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker.

The Questions:
1. What is your first name? Kristin
2. What is your favorite food? Cake
3. What high school did you go to? Mundelein High School
4. What is your favorite color? Red
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Eddie Vedder
6. Favorite drink? Sangria
7. Dream vacation? Sweden
8. Favorite dessert? Delicious Chocolate Cake
9. What you want to be when you grow up? A Mama
10. What do you love most in life? My Family
11. One Word to describe you? Seeking
12. Your flickr name? T&K Cannon

Created with fd's Flickr Toys.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Dare to.....LIVESTRONG

You may have noticed that the bathing suit challenge is missing from the side bar over there---->

That's because I suck. I suck at taking care of myself. I excel at taking care of others, considering their lifestyles and how they need to change and what I can do to support them, caring for sick and sometimes dying people, caring for my husband who is a cancer survivor and a newly diagnosed type I diabetic.

I just can't manage to watch what I am eating....monitor how I am physically doing. This BREAKS MY HEART. I have regressed in my health habits and I have to change or else I am going to age ungracefully and feel like shit when I am 40. Even better, the heart attack trifecta of diseases run in my family: high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease. I will die much younger than my goal of 100 years old if I keep this up. I know that we can't control how long we live our lives, but we can certainly do things daily to prolong our stay and make it richer.

This is one of the reasons why I have taken the LIVESTRONG Dare to become healthy again.
Here's a description of the program from the LIVESTRONG website, "OUR MISSION: DARE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE
We believe everyone has the power to make their life better. Our members are people who want to take responsibility and give 100 percent to achieve everyday victories to help themselves and then help others.
Demand Media and the Lance Armstrong Foundation built LIVESTRONG.COM as the definitive daily health, fitness and lifestyle destination. Through trusted content, interactive tools and an engaged community, LIVESTRONG.COM will help people take action to make the most of their life, their time, their body and their world."

This website allows me to plug in my daily activity and food eaten and does magical calculations! I can see calories, protein, fat, and carbs eaten in pie chart form! I can use a cool little gage to "rate" how well I do each day at working towards my "DARES": Lose Weight & Exercise Regularly. There are tons of articles and experts writing on all sorts of health related topics and a huge community of people just like me trying to better themselves.

I have always identified with the LIVESTRONG mission...and have owned a thousand bijillion LIVESTRONG bracelets since the very beginning of Lance Armstrong's campaign. Part of me did this because I am passionate for the search for a cure for cancer and also because I want to jump Lance's bones. Sorry, I'm just being honest! At one time we even had a Lance Armstrong poster on the side of our fridge for me to drool over each morning. My very good friend Grace sent it to me and Trevor allowed me to worship it for about a year and then mandated that it be removed.

Anyhow, here is my first "blog" post on my LIVESTRONG website(I haven't yet figured out how connect the feed to my new
LIVESTRONG challenge sidebar thingy ----> )

Hopefully my recently re-adopted LIVESTRONG bracelet will remind me of the biggger picture and my goals each day as I work my way through this challenge.



I will accomplish this goal if it KILLS me. I thank you all for supporting me through my schizophrenic quest for health. Your comments and words of encouragement really have helped motivate me and I hope you continue to read and support from afar.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

And this anger is after and HOUR AND A HALF OF YOGA.

I am the woman gritting her teeth behind you in line at Target as you bust out your CHECKBOOK and proceed to use six g-damn gift cards.

I am the one burning a hole in your back with my beady little eyes as you take your sweet ass time WRITING OUT A CHECK.

Seriously? You are the same age as me! You MUST have heard of these things called DEBIT CARDS. My God, woman. I am baffled by you. I want to rip that checkbook out of your hands and burn it. RIGHT HERE ON THE CONVEYOR BELT.
I bet those stupid ass checks have puppies and/or kittens on them.

FUCK.

Who is still doing this? WHO, besides my Mother??

Friday, June 13, 2008

Winds of Terror.

Growing up, I lived in a house built by my Dad on a Lake. It's one of my favorite places on Earth despite what I'm about to tell you. The house is nestled in amongst the tall trees, making windy storms somewhat frightening for my Dad who is always trying to protect us.
Whenever there was a storm that produced strong winds, my Dad would rip us from our beds and herd us down into the basement....waaaaay in the back by the furnace room away from ALL windows (our basement was a walkout) with all the necessary gear to live a comfortable life holed up in the furnace room for a week or two. I remember these moments like they were yesterday...I remember being asleep and then terrified for my life as we skipped every other stair in a mad dash to get to the furnace room to sit on the cold floor and dream about what sort of hellish fate we faced. Would it be a tornado that swirls us into the next county? A flash flood that would drown us all in that small room? A firey tree, struck by lightening...crashing into the house smashing us AND setting us on fire?!!

The only time I ever felt safe sleeping in stormy weather was when I was deamed old enough to move into the bedroom in our finished basement. Nestled away, where the only evidence of storm was the rain dripping on a vent...making sweet pitter patter noises. The thunder and lightening didn't even scare me because it would have to penetrate throught the floors above me...and THAT would never happen! I was safe!

Those moments have translated into a very strong adult fear of storms. The house I live in now, with my husband, is a little old 1940's Cape Cod nestled in amongst very large trees. Trees that would fall onto my house and squash me in my sleep (were I sleep in the TOP floor!) if they were blown down by storms. Lately, we have had a lot of thunder, lightening, 70 mile an hour winds, and sideways falling rain. This rain pounds the window next to my side of the bed and wakes me up. I wake in a state of panic, shouting unintelligible commands to my husband to get down into the basement. He, apparently, is not phased by the fact that at any moment we could be pinned beneath a 10,000 lb mature tree gasping our last breaths and saying our last "I love you's". He is not scared by this thought and just continues to sleep peacefully as I stumble out to the living room, do a quick check of The Weather Channel to get a preview of my possible fate, and then scamper down into the basement with the dog, sit on my treadmill in the dark with an AM radio, a blanket, and my cell phone while the dog pants in fear at my side.

I'm thinking that this is something I might want to work on BEFORE I have kids and perpetuate The Cycle Of Storm Insanity.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Last Day of Vacation

We woke up....I drove to Black Mountain to pick up brunch for the three of us at the Morning Glory Cafe. I got Dad's Famous Fish Tacos...I'm a sucker for good fish tacos. We ate on the deck, the mountain wind blew...and then Megs friend came to pick her up to take her off to Wellspring Camp were Meg will be the Field Staff Supervisor for the summer. It was her first day and she had a lot of work to do so we said our good byes....and then she left. Heavy Heart.

Lark and I putzed around the house for a bit and headed off to the airport. On the way we stopped and bought a bucket of fresh picked strawberries from the sweetest old man on the side of the road.


I could barely understand what he was saying between his southern drawl and the wet ball of chew in his lip....but Lark seemed to understand him and we left with a big bucket of sweet tender strawberries and headed into town for one last stop.

Mmmmm. I had been eyeing this place the entire trip but we never seemed to find the time to stop. I was determined to enjoy a treat before leaving...so we stopped in and I slipped in to bliss with a Coconut Cream Cupcake from The Sisters McMullen Cupcake Corner. Sweet Mother Of Pastry Heaven. Lark and I enjoyed our treats and drove peacefully to the airport. I hugged her goodbye...I grabbed my luggage...and with a full tummy and a fulfilled heart...I flew home to Chicago with cherished memories and time spent with some very special people in a very special place.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Day 4 of Vacation!

This day, we drove a few hours to The Nantahala River, rented a boat from the Nantahala Outdoors Center, and went whitewater rafting! Lark, Meg's lady, is an Outward Bound instructor and Meg and I both have had skads of outdoor education...so we felt pretty comfortable on our own. I say "pretty", because it's been almost 5 years since the last time I whitewater rafted in Alaska...and I'm not the most comfortable in fast moving water. But, I adapted and had a great time. The day started out mellow, then we stopped for a picnic lunch that Lark packed, and then we finished the day in a downpour of rain...but it felt good to have rain pelt my face while on a river, surrounded by The Smokies. It was beautiful....just what the doctor ordered. (of course, with a dry boot on my foot to protect my fresh tattoo. After, I peeled the boot off and hobbled over to bathrooms and received my first "stranger" tattoo compliment...I must say, it felt really good, even though that's not why I got it)

We finished the river in 3 hours, changed into warm clothes and snuggled up in the car for the hour drive back to Asheville. We ate carrot sticks & Reese's Pieces, listened to The Postal Service, and enjoyed the Mountain scenery.

After a warm shower at Meg's house we headed to her friend Maggie's for Maggie's 30th Birthday celebration. We ate poodle cakes,



played Root Ball & cards, drank good beer, and sat on the porch with friends on teal Adirondack chairs and enjoyed good conversation. I met some folks who went to Prescott College at the same time I did...we had fun reminiscing...everyone was so friendly, I never felt like a stranger.

We headed home...got into our jammies...and slept.
A long hard sleep.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Gone To Yoga

Yoga, Yoga, Yoga.

How I missed you. How my heart ached without you.
Once again, you bring peace to my hectic life.

I resumed regular yoga practice last week. It has been amazing. I didn't realize how badly my body and mind missed it until that first day and I couldn't believe I survived without it. Marlene, my instructor, and I talked after class and she told me that even the most dedicated of yogis need a break sometimes...that it makes you realize how vital the practice is to your life.

Boy, was she right.

"To allow ourselves to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence." - Thomas Merton


Will Be Back Later,

Friday, May 30, 2008

Day 3 of Vacation

Meg woke me up with a delicious breakfast of eggs, veggie sausage patties, bagels, and rosemary potatoes. We drank french press coffee and slowly woke for the day.

We drove into downtown Asheville, did some shopping at Malaprop's Bookstore, and drank lattes. It was a beautiful day for a casual city stroll and good conversation. She is one of my most genuine and favorite friends....writing this makes me feel a little sad that we can't be together more often. Then I was introduced to the wonderful world of Amazing Savings: "One of Asheville's best kept secrets. Organic and natural foods at 50% to 80% off because they are either almost out of date or they are out of date or just overstocked." Can you even believe this? We bought stuff there for $.99 that you would buy at the regular grocery for $5.00!! They had my cereal, luna bars, organic fruits, veg, spices!!! It was insane the discounts to be found there! I would be SET FOR LIFE if I had one around my house. Can you imagine..Trader Joes AND Amazing Savings?!

After I was all riled up from money saving we decided to wind the hell down with some drinks and sunshine at the Root Bar and played Root Ball, a game I had heard a lot about from Meg but had never played. It's a super fun and easy outdoor game. The day was true blue summer....with sand between our toes on the court, dogs frolicking under foot, good beer in hand and lots of friendly folks.

Then. Then! The grand finale of the day: we went to Empire Tattoo (the birthplace of several of Meg's gorgeous tattoos) and I got this delightful treat with my sweet husbands blessing from across the country. It was kind of a spur of the moment...but not really. I had wanted this tattoo for a long time, but with a peony bloom. However, I'll soon be getting a larger piece with peonies and I didn't want to be the incredible peony tattoo lady. So, I changed the flower to a branch of the Tulip Poplar tree, a beautiful sight I had only seen in Asheville. The day before I went a little nuts and took a million pictures of one on campus. In memory of this great trip: the branch and bloom. And the quote: from memories of a childhood filled with Cat Stevens records, a line from my all time favorite song in life, "The Wind". (not great quality sound in this link, but the best I could do).

Big Happy Smiles.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

I'm a NURSE. A real NURSE. On my own. From now on.

I made it through my first two days unscathed!!

I wasn't coddled by my co-workers either. (I've worked at the hospital on this same unit for the last 6 years as a unit secretary and nurses assistant) I've had two really busy days and now their over...I feel great!

The best thing about being on my own is I don't have to conform to another persons way of organizing their day and priorities. I can do it all on my own and if I have questions or need a second opinion I have a lot of resources around me.

The worst part about these last two days (thankfully) is that yesterday I got my period...and I forgot to put deodorant on, and we all know how hormones during this special time can make us sweat and be a little more fragrant. And I didn't realize this until AFTER I started to smell like a sweaty 8th grader. I put some deodorant on from the patient supply room...but it was too late. I had to run around all day with my arms plastered to my sides like an Irish Dancer.

Just call me Michael Flatley, RN.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Oops, I crapped my pants! (old SNL skit.....anyone?)

I'm totally shitting my pants right now.

I was fine until about 10 minutes ago when I came to the true realization that I am going to be on the floor tomorrow as a nurse BY MYSELF. I won't have my preceptor at my beckon call to help me when I am feeling overwhelmed by my patient load. I won't have someone right next to me to bounce ideas off of or ask stupid questions of. I am ON MY OWN. Tomorrow is that day that I have worked towards for so long and it is giving me diarrhea.

Damn.

Also, now that I am on 12 hour days 3x/week I can finally get back into my normal yoga and workout routine. It has been such a struggle to find the time and energy to devote to my personal fitness goals. My body is in misery.

Here is a list I wrote tonight thinking about why it is important to eat right and exercise regularly:
1) Prevent Diabetes, Stroke, Heart Disease, Hypertension, High Cholesterol, Cancer, & Kidney Disease. All things that come with the territory of being overweight.

2) Increase my energy level and release stress and tension, in turn decreasing my risk of stress related physiologic changes

3) Be a better example for my patients and future children

4) Increase fertility

5) Improve my self image

Back to being scared. My God. I am so nervous right now.
I know I can do it. I'm just friggin' terrified.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Day Two Of Vacation

Meg had to be up at 7:45am to start checking out the freshmen that she manages as a Resident Director. I was allowed to sleep in a woke to hear a familiar voice in the living room...it was Peter, a long time friend of Meg's. He and I had a met a few years back when I was at WWC for a visit. The three of us went to breakfast, caught up on each others lives, and then Meg and I packed up her car with some of her stuff and headed to out the her summer destination, Wellspring Adventure Camp (WAC), where she'll be the Field Director. On the way we stopped a Filo, a wonderful little Greek cafe with homemade morning treats, breads, and espresso. We bought some Black Bottom Macaroons and iced lattes and headed up the Blue Ridge Parkway for a magnificent drive to camp. The Smokey Mountains have some of the most beautiful views that I've seen to date, no matter how many times I drive this Parkway, I am always breathless. Meg told me the story of the young Native American boy Falling Rock, and we arrived at camp. When we pulled up, our EMT training kicked in and our adrenaline started pumping. There was a firetruck, news vands, and a helicopter. We were sure there had been a terrible accident with the staff at WAC. Luckily that wasn't the case, however something just as tragic had a occured. The previous Tuesday a man and his son crash their small plane in the mountains above camp. Their bodies had been removed the day before and this day they were removing the wreckage. The helicopter was to fly up to the crash site, tether up the plane, and then fly it to the field at camp where it would be placed on a truck bed and sent to Atlanta for investigation. We watched the helicopter take off into the mountainside, but he returned emptied handed as it was too windy and dangerous to complete.

Meg and I took her dog, Stella, for a swim in the river with some other dogs, chatted with her fellow staff for the summer, and unloaded some of her stuff in their room. Ahhh..to be a transient hippie outdoor educator once again. What a life.
We left camp, headed back to Asheville a different way, through some old towns that we had explored the first time we were ever in NC together on a road trip to her college to check it out. It was a trip of a lifetime.

When we arrived back home we were beat. We ate some lunch and proceeded to watch trashy TV for a few hours, including Keeping Up With The Kardashians and American Gladiator. Our plan was to wait until her partner, Lark arrived home from her latest Outward Bound trip (she's and instructor) and then head out to see a local band. Plans changed, as Lark got home late and we were all pooped, so Meg and I made a trip to the grocery store for Movie Food and we settled in for the night to watch Superbad and drink beer under snugly quilts with Reese's Pieces and popcorn.

Nice.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Day One of Vacation: A Summary

Hey all I am back!

I had an amazing time in Asheville, NC with one of my most Best and Dearest Friends, Meg. We had such a great time...living in her world is such a vacation from my reality, and here's why: she lives on campus as a Resident Director in her own little 2 BR 2 BTH apartment at Warren Wilson College, complete with deck and Brazilian hammock. WWC is the most beautiful and quaint college campus in the world, nestled in a valley of the Great Smokey Mountains...with a fully functioning organic farm. A cafeteria that serves cheap, organic (from the college farm and surrounding farms) food, as well as a little cafe called the Cow Pie that is 100% organic and VEGAN. Not that I am vegan or anything, but when I can, I eat that way because I love too! The dorms are spread out all over campus and many of them have different themes. The Wellness dorm is a place you can live if you want to be free of drugs and alcohol and commit to a lifestyle of wellness. The Eco Dorm is completely sustainable, solar powered, with composting, and their own organic garden out front. Etc Etc. I will post pics soon, I can't today because I left the "special cord" that does that sort of thing in Meg's living room.

Day 1:
I arrived in Asheville, NC. Meg picked me up all hopped up on coffee and Full Throttle energy drinks, smoking a cigarette. This day was her last day of school and she had been up since 4am (it was now 11am) working on a final project. She had gotten only 2 hours of sleep. We went to her last class EVER for her Outdoor Leadership major (she has a second major she is finishing up next semester in History). We had a great few hours in her Social Justice class doing initiatives for a presentation of a fellow classmate and engaging in thoughtful discussions. Not what I had expected on a vacation, but so wonderful and thought provoking. I miss those days from when I went to Prescott College, in Prescott, AZ for Adventure Education. There is something so familiar about that day that I didn't know I missed.
After, we mellowed out and chatted over Hawaiian Pizza before heading to Pisgah Brewery to meet up with some folks. Totally organic...totally amazing beer. Meg brings me a jug each Christmas. I emailed them about 6 months ago, asking if they could send me a case. They said that they didn't ship and that I'd have to wait until next Christmas when my friend could bring me more beer (crazy beer hippies). Luckily, I didn't have to wait that long. The crazy thing about this brewery is that it's only open to the public on Thursday nights. So, you go in, buy your jugs of beer to stock up for the week, listen to live music, and drink beer inside the very warehouse where they make the beer. They sell to surrounding bars...so I was able to enjoy a few more pints through out the next 5 days, thankfully.
Since school was out for summer, we had a lot of socializing to do and goodbyes to say. We went to Meg's friend, Emily's house and drank a few more pints, burned veggie burgers on the stove, and played Catchphrase for the next 4 hours. My throat was sore from screaming the answers (I get very into this game) and from laughing uncontrollably. Emily is interesting, to say the least. She is a dread-headed, gay, 20 year old woman. She had just completed a half-ironman triathlon,is a double major in Outdoor Leadership and Environmental Chemistry, does Ham radio with her dad and is certified in doing so...I had no idea you could be certified in that. In fact, in her home town of Lansing, MI, her house is the tallest point, because of their ham radio antenna. She can also do Morse Code. Once I found this out, I proceeded to make tapping noises with my beer bottle on the coffee table in "sequence" asking her translate for the next 15 minutes. I would highly recommend this to anyone who is drunk and happens to have a drunk friend over who is fluent in Morse code. She was the funniest and coolest person I had met in a really long time. (sounds nerdy-but is true)

The night ended with me sharing my latest Us Weekly with Meg and explaining to her who all the people are in the magazine as she is fairly removed from that sort of crap. We had a late night best friend chat and then passed out for the night.

A great first day.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Week 2- Slacker Edition

Hey.

I'm a terrible blogger.

I know, I know. I didn't post the week two picture of the Bathing Suit Challenge.
I have excuses, they involve me being tired and busy. Family time for Mothers Day. In my spare moments, getting ready for vacation.

Yep. I'm going on vacation. I'm going to hang in North Carolina for 5 days with one of my favorite people on earth, Meg. I'll totally post pictures (if I can find away to pack my camera b/c I'm a habitual overpacker, but it will be a priority).

So, this weeks update will include no pictures, but it WILL update you on my progress:

Week Two: I began integrating more lean meats and continued to workout.

Starting Weight: 187.3
Weight Loss this week: 1 ish lbs.
Current weight: 182

Total weight lost 5.3 lbs

I'll be back next Tuesday with a happy heart and rested soul...and some pictures to share!

Have a great weekend!
XOXO
K

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Week One of Bathing Suit Challenge!

 

It's been one week in the Bathing Suit Challenge and I am doing great. Each week I will expose a little bit more of my body and update you on my progress as I get ready to post the whole she-bang on June 23rd!

Week One: I began working out more regularly and eating better

Starting Weight: 187.3

Current weight 183.3

Total weight lost 4lbs
Posted by Picasa

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Tasty-ness!

I am on on a detox diet.

THERE. I said it. I didn't want to, because I feel like I appear really spastic with my dieting habits....I even planned on keeping it a secret from my Mom (weight watchers queen) and everyone else around me on a daily basis. After thinking about how ridiculous that was, I changed my mind and have actually received a lot of support. IN fact, when I told Trevor Mr. Meat Eater Deluxe...he wanted to JOIN IN.
It's not extreme or radical in that I sustain life by drinking some crazy maple syrup and lemon juice concoction for weeks on end. It's extreme and radical because my body hasn't been without caffeine, sugar, meat, or massive amount of "naughty" carbohydrates in a looooooooooooooooooong time.
Here's the deal. I can eat only the following things:
Carbohydrates:
Vegetables, fruit, 2c. brown rice, 1c. oatmeal
Proteins:
chickpeas, beans, lentils, tofu, 2c. skim milk, 12 oz low fat yogurt (no fruit on the bottom), 4 egg whites, 1 1/2 slice low fat cheese, 1 veggie burger,
Other:
8oz herbal tea, 2tbsp soy sauce, 2 tbsp teriyaki sauce, 2 tbsp olive oil, 1/4 c. nuts, herbs and spices, 1 tsp butter

NO POTATOES or AVOCADO (hard as hell to do)

The specific quantities are a maximum I can have daily. The items with no amounts I can have unlimited amounts of with in reason, keeping in mind my degree of fullness.
At first I thought I would starve, but then I busted out my Moosewood Restaurant cookbook that is 100% vegetarian, and I started making some awesome recipes. Tonight I making Goi Ga Vietnamese Salad..brown rice, tons of yummy veggies, peanuts, and dressing made with Thai fish sauce (not soy-but close enough).

In the last week I have lost 4 lbs. I have not once felt hungry ..well, except for Thursday night when I met 5 girlfriends at an Italian restaurant for dinner. Now THAT was HARD. I ate a small salad..not intentionally...when it came, it was small. All the ladies had a hard time not laughing at me as I sat with my piddly little plate while they joyfully mowed down HUGE bowls of delicious cheesy pasta, wine, and ice cream for dessert! AHHH.

Back to the 4lbs. yeah, I've lost that much in the last week and I have a week to go. I am loving the food I am cooking each night, and I feel more engaged in what I eat. Everything is so much more thoughtfully prepared and flavorful. When I eat, I am eating really good stuff that fills me up and tastes soooo good, while my co-workers sit and eat their 57th Lean Cuisine meal for the week.

I'm glad I confessed to you. I hate keeping secrets from my blog pals.

I'll leave you with the BEST morning treat recipe:

Apple Muesli
from Esurientes' Blog, who got it from Jill Dupleix, 'New Food'

2c. rolled oats (soaked over night in 1c. of water)
1/2c. Greek style plain yogurt
2 tbsp. honey (which I didn't use this time around due to the diet)
1 tbsp. wheat germ
1 mashed banana
Cinnamon
Mix it all together and shred a green apple on top.

Welcome to the world of Tasty-ness!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Bathing Suit Season Anyone?

In the not-too-distant future it will be very warm here in the Midwest and it'll be time to break out the bathing suit at The Lake where I grew up. There will be lazy days of floating on a raft with my Dad, days of kayaking with my brother or husband, afternoons of paddle boating with my Mom, and Beach Parties with the neighbors in which I will have to wear my bathing suit. Also, there will be days at the-in-laws neighborhood pool with my skinny Mother & Sister-in-law. Like size 4 skinny. They are the two sweetest women..but I seriously want to DIE when surrounded by the two of them on a hot day in minimal clothing. And my MIL is over 60....and she has a rockin' bod...totally natural. WTF??!!

This is way I have joined these ladies. I was so inspired when I read about Kelly and her quest to get bathing suit ready in 8 weeks and POST THE RESULTS ON HER BLOG. Granted...Kelly IS a former contestant for the Miss America title and they BOTH have less weight to lose than I do..but whatever, why NOT throw caution into the wind? So, Yes. I have agreed to join these women in posting a picture of MYSELF IN MY BATHING SUIT. HERE. ON THIS BLOG. FOR THE WORLD TO SEE. IN 8 WEEKS.

This should totally freak me out....but I am strangely calm. Like, suddenly my body has the power to morph into one of these ladies by June 23rd (the day of the dastardly deed):



Maybe if I just say, "Go-Go-Gadget-Sexy-Bathing-Suit-Bod!!" really fast it'll happen for me?

Friday, April 25, 2008

Back In The Saddle!

I've been working my ass of lately.
Well, not literally.
And that...is the PROBLEM.

With my days being consumed by long hours on my feet nursing..I find myself so pooped when I get home at 4pm I can barely function. The other day I had a beer and passed out on my hammock like a drunken sailor A) because I was so tired B) because I never drink anymore so the beer got me DRUNK and C)the sun drained all the life out of me and I was rendered useless in the hammock for the remainder of the afternoon!

With this new schedule I have really gotten out of my awesome and newly formed work out routine. So in the last two weeks I have been trying to get outside and do cardio 3-5 times per week. Mostly 3 times per week to be honest. I feel like I am finally starting to adjust and I'm being left with a smidge more life to carry out a workout at the end of my day. Today's workout was 30 minutes at the forest preserve doing interval training; 3 minutes walking, 1 minute running, and 1 minute of resistance training with my resistance band and a tree. Sativa, our dog, thought that I was schizophrenic as I changed our speed and started whipping around a giant rubber band every couple of minutes. I'd have to say she was pretty disgusted with me by the end.

So, today is the day of new beginnings and the day when I get back in the saddle and start actively working towards my weight loss goal again. I think I'm going to post my weight in the next week...but not today. I'm just not in the mood for that. :-)

And let me just say, for the thousandth time, I LOVE being a nurse. Everyday is a new adventure..and everyday is scary and exhilarating at the same time. I am learning so much and I work with my friends who have supported me through 6 years of school and life...and now they support me and lift me up as a nurse. It's so great....I wouldn't do anything else with my life and that feels so damn good.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Uncomfortable silence...

"......................................................."

Damn. I knew I should have written down some of my ideas for blog entries.

"......................................................."

Well, I'm back. My computers are working. I am able to email and web surf, and blog read, and update. Joy to the world!
Although, it has been nice being away from a computer for a couple of weeks.

Because I don't have much to blog about at the moment, I'll start with 25 Things About Me (in lieu of 100 Things, because that's just nuts).

1) I went to an amazing hippie college in Arizona that I miss everyday..but the entire time I was there my heart ached for home.

2) I was so excited to have babies...and now...I am just scared. Does that mean I am more ready in a twisted f-ed up way?

3) I have run marathons...and now I can barely run around the block. I need to start running again.

4) I love to make lists. I make lists about everything. Right now I have a summer To-Do that is over 20 items long..and I LOVE IT.

5) I enjoying painting. Like, on the walls in the house. I love the trim taping and being meticulous...I have painted 3 nurseries for friends/family to date and I have painted every room in my house. BY MYSELF.

6) My husband. He's kind of an ass. But I love it...because I'm an ass too.

7) But he's also secretly a mushy-mush...and so am I.

8) I am a nurse and I adore the job. There is nothing else I would rather be doing when I am caring for patients at the hospital. Except for maybe caring for patients at a therapeutic camp of some sort in the mountains.

9) I went to hippie college to be an outdoor educator and use the wilderness in a therapeutic and healing way.

10) I always secretly wanted to go to nursing school and would visit the local community college in AZ to get info on the nursing program every couple of months.

11) I have a 16 year old brother. He is the most awesome person in the world.

12) I grew up riding horse competitively. I was the grunt who would muck the stalls and groom other peoples horses at the horse show and then beat those richy-riches when it came time to compete.

13) I worship Martha Stewart and Real Simple magazines.

14) I hate doing laundry. There is a HUGE pile of clothes on the basement floor waiting to be washed. I just step over it.

15) I am a Real World junkie. I have watched every season since the first one in NYC. Yes, I have applied.

16) Also, I tried out for Fear Factor. I didn't make it. I'm not skinny or dumb enough.

17) I love the state of South Dakota. I love the landscape and the people and the wildlife. I would live there if it didn't take me so far away from my family.

18) This is hard

19) I am a picker. I know this is gross...but I love to pick pimples and gross shit like that. I have to bribe my husband to get him to let me "pick" on him.

20) I inherited this picking fetish from my mother.

21) When my husband proposed I told him to "Shut Up!" and I pushed him...like Elaine on Seinfeld.

22) We were engaged on Sanibel Island, FL...his whole family was there and he asked for my Dad's permission before we left on the trip.

23) I drive an orange Honda Element...that car that looks like a giant toaster or roller skate. Lots of people think they are ugly and stupid...but I love my Element and want to keep it forever. Seriously.

24) I secretly wish I had the talent to scrapbook. I just don't have the patience.

25) My second toes are freakishly longer than my big toes. Like weird alien fingers. I'm not even exaggerating.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

What THE EF??!

My computers..BOTH of them are being bastards. I can't update my blog daily so all of my good blogging ideas are slipping through the holes in my brain.

I can't check my email. I can't even check YOUR BLOGS. DAMN IT!!

Right now I am at my parents picking up my Mom to do some Spring garden supply shopping at our local garden center, Hawthorn Gardens. I am so psyched. If anyone lives around me in Northern IL...you should DEFINITELY check this place out and support a local small business.

Trevor has to go to Best Buy and buy "something" to fix our computer situation. He will not elaborate on this subject...for fear that smoke might start coming out of my ears as I spontaneously combust.

I hope all of you are enjoying this amazing weather. I will be back as soon as my mother-ef-ing computers are fixed...and I will start writing down my blogging ideas so that when I do come back there isn't an uncomfortable silence between us.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Insta-Karma

Thursday night, while sitting at Bennigans, eating a disgustingly fattening and deep fried Southwest Roll...totally exhausted and wiped out from work all week...I said to my husband, "I think I'll have the flu tomorrow", with a little smirk on my face. I just wanted to play hooky and go to the forest preserve and drink coffee...but I wasn't REALLY going to do that...it was just wishful thinking.

And then. At 9pm that night..not 3 hours after I stupidly joked about having the flu....I began to feel nauseous. My stomach bean to cramp. And I spent the next 10 hours sleeping on the bathroom floor next to the commode with "The Flu" (I will not go into any more detail) and cursing myself for....CURSING MYSELF!

Total Insta-Karma.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Things I Have Been Enjoying Lately

1) Living at my in-laws house while they are away for the Winter at their home in Florida. It's MUCH bigger than ours, has a fancy-schmancy kitchen with a big copper hood, a farm house sink, a giagantor viking stove, a fireplace, a huge shower with 75 sprayers, and is literally 5 minutes from the hospital and 10 minutes from Trevors workplace.

2) Oh yeah, and it's within WALKING distance to yoga. Holy Moly. So awesome.

3) Being a friggin NURSE! I love nursing! I love it, I love it, I love it! I have worked in health care for 6 years now as a "tech" (nurses assistant) and a unit secretary. I have always enjoyed my job, but now I am in LOVE. I love the hospital I work for, I love the small community setting, I love that it is growing and is always striving to improve. I love the $$$. I make 3x what I used to make with the hourly pay increase as well as the increase in hours/week I work.

4) Not being in school. Every time I get a moment to relax...I feel guilty and anxious for a little while. When I recognize these feelings and ask myself "Why?" I realize it's because I think I should be STUDYING! I'm all frantic thinking there's some approaching test or performance exam. But really there's nothing. Nothing.
SWEET!

5) Spending time with Trevor. We have been apart 3 nights a week (3 days straight actually because of his daytime work schedule and my evening work schedule) for the last 3 years. Every night we get to hang out. Also, now that I get to see him everyday, I don't feel guilty or sad when I make plans with friends because I know I'll have plenty of time with him.

6) The new "My Starbucks Idea" website. I was a Starbucks barista 10 years ago. This makes me understanding of their jobs and also a little bit of an asshole when my simple drink request gets f-ed up EVERY TIME I ORDER ONE OF THEIR $5 DRINKS. This website has allowed me to vent about my Starbucks frustrations to someone other than my cousin Katie...also a former Starbucks Barista, as well as make me feel as though these frustrations are being heard by the Starbucks "Man".

That's pretty much it right now! I know that's a lot to be thankful for and enjoy...I'm just settling into my new schedule and life. It is certainly taking some adjustments...but all is good.

How about you? How have you been? What have you been enjoying lately?

Monday, March 31, 2008

Yo! Yo! Yo!

Hi!

I've been gone for awhile!
Trevor has been a sick pup and I've been exhausted from long days at the hospital. I have more to say but no time to type at the moment...so just hang in there. I promise to be back tomorrow with something interesting to say.

XOXO
K

Friday, March 21, 2008

Stop the Bullshit

I'm sitting home, watching the snow fall...AGAIN, and relaxing by a warm fire in the fireplace, on a day off from nursing (the BEST job in the world BTW), reading blogs. Through my WWW exploration today I found the You Tube clip below of Anne Hathaway excepting and award from the Human Rights Campaign for her support of the LGBT community. It moved me so much because I have a very dear and best friend, Meg, who is a lesbian. She is in a loving relationship with a cute little potter. I used to always talk about planning their vegan hippie mountain top wedding..and say when you get married this and when you get married that, until one day Meg said, "Kristin, we CAN'T get married". And I just rambled on, "Oh, that whole no gay marriage thing? That's so stupid, don't listen to them. You can get married, it's just a piece of paper. Don't be silly". After saying that I looked up and saw her face...and then realized the seriousness of what she had said...she can not, BY LAW, marry the one person in this world who she would give anything to marry. She is not allowed to do that. It's so easy for me to say it's just a piece of paper, because I am, in the eyes of our government, more civilized in my heterosexual relationship than she is. Over the years she has told me how people will look at her and her girlfriend when they hold hands in public...how she has been treated as a gay woman. It makes me SICK to think of some asshole passing judgment on her...thinking she is less of a human being than they are. I could go on and on...

I have a Lesbian Best Friend. She is kind, loving, hyper-intelligent, in love, revolutionary, inspirational, strong, hysterical, and amazing. She deserves the same amount of respect that you do. Treat her as you would want to be treated. Embrace her as a fellow human being.
Let's stop the bullshit.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Wild Geese

Today's yoga class kicked my butt. It was worth it in the end because my body was thankful for the stretching, flexing, and centering....and because my yoga instructor shared this poem with us.

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.


This was just what I needed today....this poem. I do not have to be good. I do not have to walk on my knees through the desert repenting. I can live my life and be the best I can be...whether or not it is the best to you...or good to you...is not something to be worried about. I will live my life as it fulfills me and fit into this world as I am meant to.