Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Things We Take for Granted

It's been a long day and I just flipped through the latest issue of Playboy that came for Trevor in the mail. Hey, I like the articles!

I felt so tired and my eyes were heavy from a long day by his side and a few hours on the floor nursing other peoples husbands to health as mine lay a few doors away in pain. Hard.

I turned the lights out..and that's when the sadness comes, when I begin to feel overwhelmed.

God. I want him here in bed, even though he sometimes makes annoying sounds as he fights his way to sleep. I just want him here to hold hands with and to snuggle with in the dark. I don't want to watch TV alone, where is he to fight with me about watching another damn stupid episode of Flipping Out? I know he is sleeping alone...in the hospital...I wonder if he is awake wondering where I am...or if he's in pain. I think of the many more weeks it will be like this and my heart is aching and the tears flow and I feel like I can't do it....and I feel angry with him for being so stupid and I feel sad for him and his broken body...and I feel selfish because I want him to know how hard these last few day have been, but I've been so strong for him...and he has no idea. I can't wait to see him in the morning but I dread the moments when the pain is unbearable and I can't make it go away and he looks up at me with those frantic and confused eyes..why am I letting him suffer?

I feel thankful that we have so much support...and I can feel the good vibes of love and healing....but all I want is my husband back in bed with me....and it feels like that day will be so far away and my heart bleeds and my eyes cry and all I want is the strong arms of my healthy husband and his warm chest to wipe my tears on.

6 comments:

Kate said...

Oh Kristin, my heart aches for you. Please know you are in my thoughts.

Marie Green said...

He will be home again, next to you. And you will always appreciate each other so much, because of this trying time apart.

Do something just for yourself today- a special cup of coffee, a new pretty nail polish, a small piece of time for yoga. To be there for him, you have to fill your own tank too! I know! Schedule a massage. You need it!

Thinking of you...

paintrly1 said...

You both are suffering. I am so sorry this happened, but also thankful it wasn't worse.

I agree, try to do something to nurture yourself too. You will be a stronger support for him if you do.

He is so lucky to have you. You are lucky to have eachother. This will all be a memory, and your love will be strong and will carry you through.

If you ever need to talk to someone late (I am a few hours ahead of you out here) please contact me!

Praying for you both.

samantha jo campen said...

Oh honey.

Maggie said...

Sorry to hear about your hubby. Will be sending positive healing thoughts your and his way.

Kristin C. said...

Thank you ladies....my heart is feeling less heavy each day as I read your words and we get more and more good news