I have butterflies in my stomach today....in fact they're not just in my stomach...they've traveled up into my chest and throat. They're strangling me!!
I'm so nervous because today is our first appointment with the OBGYN. I've been having nightmares every night that range from the doctor telling me I am not pregnant, that my uterus is incapable of carrying a baby to full term, to a diagnosis of ovarian cancer. It's quite ridiculous....but each time I think of walking into the office at 2:45 today I feel panic well up in my chest.
I think it's hard for me to grasp the idea that Trevor and I made a baby without even really trying. I have an irregular menstrual cycle and he has a low sperm count due to a series of radiation treatments for cancer years back. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??
I must confess that I have always thought, deep down, that we wouldn't be able to have children. I know so many people who struggle with conceiving, who've had multiple miscarriages. How could we be so lucky, so blessed?
I have always wanted children, I love children....and I've never felt the depth of this desire until I found out I was pregnant. I am so afraid that today I'm going to be told it's not true....it's just killing me.
I have a full day ahead of me: yoga, a meeting at work, and then the appt. I'll let you know how it goes.