With each of these cancer scares that Trevor has had over the last 2 years comes a sense of calm and strength in our marriage. It makes us stop and take a look at each other and really remember why we came together to share our lives. Sometimes when I want to punch him in the mouth because he's making me so crazy I just remember that feeling of not knowing what our future will be...will he be okay...will he die THIS time from cancer? And then I relax. I think MAN am I lucky to have this jackass in my life...in our daughters life....and then I move on. I swallow my pride WAY more now than ever before.
Trevor and I are also free spirits. We love the outdoors, the mountains, the streams, the nitty gritty of camping and bathing in lakes. Our hearts are happiest this way.
When we were waiting for the biopsy results I couldn't help but think about Trevors job. How much he wants to do something different...something he LOVES. I though...if he has cancer this time....FUCK IT....we're going to pack our shit and go. To our family property in South Dakota....to a campground on the beaches of Michigan....to Spearfish Canyon to fly fish our hearts out....wherever our hearts would take us. Because life is SHORT and I'll be damned if my husband spends the last years of his life in a friggin' cubicle selling his ass off so we can have nice THINGS.
And then the biopsy was negative and the fire is gone. Well, I shouldn't say GONE...but it's dim. It's hard to make these changes in life. To give up our safe jobs and our cute little home to move into the unknown. But we WANT to do. It's just the all the "How's" that get in the way. These posts on Sundry's Blog have really inspired both Trevor & I in the last couple of days. It feels good to know that someone else is in this boat with us.
I think we can do it.
I KNOW we can do it.
We just need to make our plan.