Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Learning and Growing can be hard on a girl.

Crap-a-dap-dap.

I'm done with my test. In fact, it was over before I knew it..and that is not sitting well with me. I only had answered 75 questions when the computer turned off...and let me tell you...those were 75 hard-ass questions. There were a few medication questions that I was like...What? Bippity-boppity-boo? I've never even HEARD of that medication..and you're telling me now that it treats Hepatitis C and you want me to tell YOU if the dose is correct for the patient based on their hieght and weight? WTF? SERIOUSLY!?

I really had a lot of questions that I had to make "educated guesses" on...so we shall see.
I know it's not the end of the world if I don't pass. But I am just ready for the next chapter in my life. I am ready to move on.
I honesltly felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin after finishing...but luckily I had enough time to schooch over to my yoga studio and catch a class. After Marlene rocked my world in downward dog for and hour and a half (I know this sounds sexy...but it wasn't, trust) my anxieties and fears were replaced by the feeling of...it is what it is and I'll just roll with it. I decided I needed to replace the awful & fearful emotions with peace and respect for myself and the effort I had made. However, it's so easy to feel that way while laying on a warm wood floor in the sunlight with Eternal Om bounding through the speakers willing you to give up your ego....it's a lot harder to carry that out into the world with you.

So that's where I am....in this place of limbo. One minute I feel peace and the next minute a pang of anxiety waves over me like a hot blanket and I feel sick. Trying. Trying. Trying.

Yoga quote of today:
"The jump is frightening between where I am and where I want to be...Because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap!"
-Mountain Dancer

5 comments:

paintrly1 said...

Oh, dear thing! I hate tests! But I am sure you rocked that test! Can't wait to hear the result!

I know what you mean about bringing the yoga to your everyday happenings. But it helps when you feel that pang of whatever (fear, jealousy, panic, etc) to close your eyes and breathe. Focus on the breathing and feel that you are being breathed by that loving universal spirit.

Kate said...

Oh darn it, I wish I would have gotten online last night to read yesterdays post to say a quick prayer for you. I really really hope it went okay. I know that feeling, swaying from peace to anxiety -I felt the same way after taking the CPA exam.

Sending you good vibes....

Also, I love downward facing dog!

Kristin C. said...

Joy- Thanks for the yoga love. I needed it. I'll let you know how I did as soon as I get my results.

Kate-Your good vibes are a comfort to me now. You're not too late too do good!
I love downdog too...but seriously, today I felt like I was in it for 2 hours straight. But it sure got my mind off of being stressed...so it happened for a reason!

Trevor said...

School Sucks!

Swistle said...

Now I don't know if this is TRUE, but when I worked in a pharmacy and was considering taking the tech exam so I'd be certified, my boss told me that there were some fake questions on the exam---to look for cheaters. Like, if someone gets the correct answer to a bunch of questions that aren't even about real medications, they know someone got a copy of the answers and memorized them. But that could just be Test Lore.